Friday, July 11, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3414

2 Messages

Digest #3414
1
Shayairs, Jokes, Information (11.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
2
Shayaris, Jokes (11.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Fri Jul 11, 2014 1:26 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

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We all forward jokes and other messages...pls forward this message to all your friends and request them to forward it to their friends too. 
VERY IMPORTANT: Max Temperatures recorded in some Indian cities:
Lucknow 47 degreesDelhi 47 degreesAgra 45 degreesNagpur 46 degreesKota 48 degreesHyderabad 45 degreesPune 42 degreesAhmedabad 46 degrees
Next year these cities will cross 50 degrees. Even AC or fan will not save you in summer.
Why is it so hot ?????
In last 10 years over 10 crore trees were cut for widening roads and highways. But not a single tree has been planted by govt or public.
How to make India a cool?????
Please do not wait for government to plant trees. 
Sowing seeds or planting trees does not cost much.
Just collect seeds of fruits like Mango, Lemon, Jamun, Custard apple, Jack fruit, etc. 
Then dig two inch hole on open spaces, roadside, footpaths, highways, gardens and also in your society or bungalow. 
Bury these seeds in each hole with soil and then water them every two days in summer.
In rainy season no need to water them. 
After 15 to 30 days small plants will be born. 
Please nurture them and ensure they grow big.
Let us make this a National movement and plant 10 crore trees all over India.
We should stop temperature from crossing 50 degrees.....
Please plant maximum trees and forward this message to everyone Lets distribute saplings as return gifts during functions birthdays etc.

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Want to make your school-kids stress-free??????
Then fwd this msg to all your contacts so that it reaches the education minister and also our newly elected govt.
Parents pay school fees for 365 daysParents pay bus fees for 365 daysParents pay tiffinwala fees for 365 days + bonusParents keep drivers and pay them for 365 days + bonus
But
In return the school is working for almost 155 days. details as follows1. sundays 52 days 2. Saturdays 52 days3. Summer vacation 45 days4. Christmas vacation 10 days5. Diwali vacation 21 days6. Ganpati vacation 10 days7. Misc holidays 20 days
So, our kids are off school for 210 days holidays out of 365 days, which is not even half of the year.
And the teachers try to finish the portion/curriculum rushingly in these few days.
So the kids hardly understand anything in school where the speed is extreme high from the teaching staff who are also under pressure.
Also parents think that their child is not studying properly so they pay thousands of money for tutions and classes where the playing time of the children is sacrificed and the child cannot enjoy his childhood. If the child does not understand in school how can he give good results.
Fwd this to give your child a better future

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Small child to his mummymummy me aaj rat ko susu karne gaya to pata he kya.huwaMom : nahi tu bataChild : mumma mene jeshe hi bathroom ka darwaza khola na To light apne aap chalu ho gay..........Mom: Navrina 

Tu pachho freez ma mutryo....

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बचपन की वोह अमीरी न जाने कहाँ खो गई
वरना बारिश के पानी में हमारे कई जहाज चला करते थे ।

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Ladies have taken out a big morcha at Ghatkopar Metro Reliance office protesting the start of Metro as their husbands now reach home 2 hours early 

and they do not get time for whatsapp.
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वजह नफरतों की तलाशी जाती हैं,

मोहब्बतें तो बिन वजह

ही हो जाया करती हैं…!

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Fri Jul 11, 2014 1:26 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

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"किस रावण की काटूं बाहें,
किस लंका को आग लगाऊँ..!

घर घर रावण पग पग लंका, 
इतने राम कहाँ से लाऊँ"..

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नफरतों का असर देखो,जानवरों का बटंवारा हो गया,
गाय हिन्दू हो गयी ;और बकरा मुसलमान हो गया.
मंदिरो मे हिंदू देखे,मस्जिदो में मुसलमान,
शाम को जब मयखाने गया ;तब जाकर दिखे इन्सान..।।

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हर एक इंसान हवा में उड़ता फिरता है..
फिर ना जाने जमीन पर इतनी भीड़ क्यों है..

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 ना तोल मेरी मोहब्बत अपनी दिल्लगी से,
देख कर मेरी चाहत को अक्सर तराजू टूट जाते हैं....!!

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खवाहिश नही मुझे मशहुर होने की .. 

आप मुझे पहचानते हो बस इतना ही काफी है..

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 जब भी देखता हुं हसते खिलखिलाते चेह्ररे लोगों के,

दुआ करता हुं इन्हे कभी मोहब्बत ना हो..!"

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 गरीबी सो गयी चैन की नीद फुटपाथ पे …
अमीरी नरम बिस्तर पे करवटे बदलती रही !!

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Awesome one.. Must read 
Senior Manager working in an MNC, as usual after lunch goes to the cafeteria for coffee.
He relaxes in canteen. He sees a canteen boy cleaning tables there.
To Kill time he decides to have fun with him.
He calls him.
Senior Manager - (Asks canteen boy) : How much do you earn?
Canteen boy smiles...
Senior Manager - what are your future plans?
Canteen boy keeps quiet...
Senior Manager - where do you see yourself 10 years down the line?
Canteen boy gives a cold stare.
Senior Manager - Jab mai Bangalore aaya tha tab mere paas bhi kuchnahi tha...... Aaj mere paas kya nahin hai...naam hai..........,shohrat hai.........,paisa hai............Izzat Hai...............,Gaadi hai........Flat hai......tumhare paas kya hai?
Scroll down to find out his answer

Don't think that he answered like Shashi Kapoor of Deewar ki 'Mere paas Maa hai !

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Canteen boy - Sa'ab.. jaane do na... mere paas bahut KAAM hai, ....... Jo Tumare pas nahi hai..
Senior Manager leaves the cafeteria SILENTLY...

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4 boys on bike..Police:" triple riding is banned aur tum 4 baithe ho.. ..........Boys shocked....
look behind...and says:" saalo 5wa kaha gir gaya.......Jisne Party Deni Thi

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A man who eats Chicken from his own poultry is actually a Vegetarian .....
Cos ....... 
Ghar Ki Murgi Dal Barabar

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EK Pathan ek Baniye ki shaadi mein gaya.

shaadi waale ghar k 2 Darwazy the,1 pe rishtedar dusre pe dost likha tha.
pathan, dosto wale darwaze se enter huwa.Aagee phir 2 darwaze the,1 pe ladies dosre pe gents likha tha.
Pathan, gents wale darwaze se enter hua.wahan 2 or darwaze the,1 pe gift dene wala doosre pe baghair gift wala likha tha.
pathan baghair gift waale darwazy mein enter ho gaya.
Jab dekha to pathan, bahar gali me khada tha!
Aurrr likha tha:sharm to nhi aa rahi hogi,Baniye ki shaadi aur free mein roti khayega ?
JA JA hawa khhaa..:'

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Thursday, July 10, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3413

2 Messages

Digest #3413
1
Jokes, Shayaris, Quote (09.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
2
Shayaris, Jokes, Quote (09.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Wed Jul 9, 2014 8:40 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

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 माँ और पिता ऐसे ही होते हैं....

जिनके होने का एहसास कभी नहीं होता...

लेकिन ना होने का बहुत होता है...

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"Tragic Incident At Ghatkopar"...

A Person to Rickshaw vala..."SakiNaka jaoge??? "

Driver: Ha jaunga

Person: To ja na...Mai to Metro se jaunga...
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एक दोस्त ने नया मोबाइल खरीदा..!!
राहुल : देख, राकेश मैने नया मोबाइल खरीदा..!!

राकेश : वाह.. क्या बात है, बंदा तेजी मेँ है..आज पार्टी तो देनी पडेगी तुझे..!अगर पार्टी देगा तो मैँ भी तुझे एक Gift दुँगा..!
राहुल : OK चल ठीक है आज रात को Hotel मेँ पार्टी मेरी तरफ से..(रात को दोनो Hotel मेँ मिलते है)

राकेश : अरे यार तु इतना गरीब है, एक-एक रुपया इकठ्ठा करके मोबाइल खरीदा और अबपार्टी का इंतजाम कैसे किया..?

राहुल : पार्टी के लिए मोबाइल बेच दिया.. तेरे लिएतो जान भी दे दु तु कहे तो...!

राकेश : मुझे पता था तु साला ऐसा ही कुछ करेगा...इसलिए तुने जिस दुकान पर मोबाइल बेचा मैने वही सेवापस खरीद कर लाया हु...ले यह मेरी तरफ से"GIFT"
मोरल : "जिँदगी मेँ दोस्त नही बल्कि दोस्त मेँजिँदगी होनी चाहिए" -

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ज़िन्दगी बदलने के लिए लड़ना पड़ता है

आसान करने के लिए समझना पड़ता है."

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पिता के मरने के बाद बेटा अपनी माँ को "ओल्ड ऐज" होम छोड़ के आया...
कुछ सालो बाद ओल्ड ऐज होम से फ़ोन आया..
तुम्हारी माँ मरणासन है जल्दी आ जाओ !
बेटा माँ से मिलके भावुक हो के बोला ":-"माँ.. बता मै क्या करू तेरे लिए".
माँ ने कहा बेटा :- "इस कमरे में एक पंखा लगवा दे" !
बेटे ने कहा:- "इतने साल तो तुम बिना पंखे के रही 
अब जब मरने वाली हो तो पंखा लगाने के लिए क्यों कह रही हो" !
माँ ने कहा:- "बेटा मैंने तो किसी तरह गुजारा कर लिया लेकिन.........

जब तेरा बेटा तुझे इस कमरे में भेजेगा तो तू बिना पंखे के रह नही पायेगा...!!

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मैंने बचपन में एक बार माँ से कहा, मां कचरेवाला आया है, 

मां ने जवाब दिया, बेटा कचरे वाले तो हम हैं,वो तो सफ़ाई वाला है,
सोच बदलो तो देश बदलेगामोदी अकेला क्या - क्या करेगा

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90% Indians work on the"Principle of Rockets''
It doesn't mean we aim for the sky,

but It means that, we don't start work unless our tail is on fire..

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खरीद तो लेते हैं लोगकरोड़ो का घर शहर में...
लेकिन आंगन दिखाने बच्चो को अब भी गाँव ही आते हैं.
======

Sardar said to doctor: 
Poori body main kahin bhi ungli lagao to bohat dard hota hai,

Doctor suggested full body Xray,
when he checked Xray,

Found fracture in "Ungli

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Never Argue with a Woman when she's Angry........Or when she's Tired................ .or Relaxed..........or Happy.......or whatever.JUST NEVER... 
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जज: तुमने 10 साल से अपनी पत्नी को डरा के, धमका के अपने बस में रखा है।
मुज़रिम: जज साहब ऐसा है कि....

जज: सफाई नहीं, तरीका बताओ तरीका!!!

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SUPERB GIFT FOR YOUR WIFE

1. Ask her what she wants.
2. Buy online.
3. Enter YOUR Sasural address.
4. Select 'Cash On Delivery'.

======

Wed Jul 9, 2014 8:44 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

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उसने हाथो से छू कर दरिया के पानी को गुलाबी कर दिया.., 
हमारी बात तो और थी
उसने मछलियों को भी शराबी कर दिया..!!!

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Wife: Dekho baarish ho rahi hai. 

Sanjeev Kapoor: Haan bana raha hoon pakode.

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Ek ladke ki girlfriend ka birthday tha

Vo city se bahar tha isliye usne uske liye 24 gulab ke phool book kar diye

Usne apni gf ko phone per kaha....
mene tumhare liye utne hi rose ke flowers bheje h jitne years ki tum aaj ho gayi ho...

Udhr phoolwale ne socha - in bhai sahab ne pehli bar meri shop se order kiya h
10 phool jyada dunga to agli bar bhi yahi aayenge. ....
and usne 24 ki jagah 34 flowers bhijwa diye

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.ladka BECHARA aaj tak nhi samajh paya ki akhir uska breakup kyu hua...

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Notice spotted on a TEMPLE wall:
"Do not Leave Your Wife alone in Crowded areas of Temple.

If she gets Lost, You may Mistakenly think that your Prayers have been answered.
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Read : Very Important Info 
"A couple lost their 25 year old son in a fire at home on May 4th.

The son who had graduated with MBA two weeks earlier had come home for a weekly off.

He had lunch with his dad & was waiting for Mom who had gone for some work.

He decided to take a nap while waiting for his mom to come back.

Some time later their neighbours called 100 when they saw black smoke coming out of the house..Unfortunately, the 25 years old died after three days in hospital.

It took several days of investigation to find out the exact cause of the fire.. 

Later it was found that the fire was caused by the laptop resting on the bed.. 
When the laptop was on the bed cooling fan did not get the air to cool the computer and that is what caused the fire.

He couldd not even wake up to get out of the bed, He died of breathing in carbon monoxide emitted out of burnt laptop..

The reason I am writing this to all d people i know is that I have seen many of us and also our brothers & sisters, sons & daughters, family & friends use laptop while in bed.. 

Make Promise to yourself that you won't use the laptop on bed with blankets and pillows around.. 

Please educate as many people as you can..

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In an Aeroplane, after a series of 4-5 heavy drinks:

British : I will sleep now
American : I want to work on internet.
German : I will watch movies now.
Chinese : I will listen to music now.
Indian : Aata viman mi chalvnar!!!!!!!!

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Women won't play football not because they are not good at it;

But because it's against their ego to be dressed up exactly like 10 other women in front of 10,000 people!?

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Train me T.T : Madam Bacho Ki Umar Kya h?

Mdm: 2 SaaL,2.5 SaaLAur 3 SaaL,

T T: Madam Umar Chahe Kam Btao Par "GAP" To Thik Se bolo..

Bachche hai ya pille..
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Dear weather,

please don't be so romantic.
We do not have cool boyfriends who will take us on a romantic ride.
we already have husbands who will ask us to go in the kitchen and prepare chay and Pakode...
-all wives.

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Tuesday, July 8, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3412

2 Messages

Digest #3412
1
Pati Patni Jokes by "ganesh kumble" ganeshkumble101
2
Fun with Facts...:) by "KALPESH PATEL" zeenukalpesh

Messages

Mon Jul 7, 2014 8:43 pm (PDT) . Posted by:

"ganesh kumble" ganeshkumble101

बेचारा पति क्या करे?
Sunday के दिन:

1. पति अगर देर तक सोये तो
बीवी: अब उठ भी जाओ! तुम्हारे जैसा भी कोई है क्या? छुट्टी है तो इसका मतलब यह
नहीं की सोते रहोगे।

2. पति अगर जल्दी उठ जाये तो
बीवी: पिछले जन्म में मुर्गे थे क्या? ठीक 4:30 बजे उठ कर कुकडू-कू करने लगते
हो। इतना जल्दी उठकर क्या पहाड़ तोड़ लाओगे?

3. पति अगर सन्डे को घर पे ही रहे तो
बीवी: कुछ काम भी कर लिया करो। हफ्ते भर बाट देखते है तुम्हारे सन्डे की, उसे
भी तुम केवल नहाने धोने में ही लगा देते हो।

4. पति अगर सन्डे के दिन घर से देर तक बाहर रहे (काम के सिलसिले में) तो
बीवी: कहाँ थे तुम आज पूरा दिन? आज सन्डे है कभी मुँह से भगवान का नाम भी ले
लिया करो।

5. पति अगर सन्डे को पूजा करे तो
बीवी: ये टल्ली बजाते रहने से कुछ नहीं होने वाला। अगर ऐसा होता तो इस दुनिया
के रईसों में टाटा या बिल गेट्स का नाम नहीं होता बल्कि किसी पुजारी का नाम
आता।

6. अगर टाटा या बिल गेट्स जैसा बनने के लिए पति दिन रात मेहनत करे तो
बीवी: हर वक़्त काम, काम काम, तुम्हें अपने ऑफिस के ही सात फेरे ले लेने चाहिए
थे। हम क्या यहाँ पर बंधुआ मजदूर है जो सारा दिन काम करें और शाम को तुम्हारा
इंतज़ार करें?

7. पति अगर पत्नी को घुमाने ले जाए तो
बीवी: हमारे बीच वाले जीजा जी तो दीदी को हर महीने घुमाने ले जाते हैं और वो
भी स्विट्ज़रलैंड और दार्जिलिंग जैसी जगहों पर। तुम्हारी तरह "हरिद्वार" नहाने
नहीं जाते।

8. पति अगर बे खौफ हो कर नैनीताल, मसूरी, गोवा, माउन्ट आबू, ऊटी जैसी जगहों पर
घुमाने ले भी जाए तो
बीवी: अपना घर ही सबसे अच्छा, बेकार ही पैसे लुटाते फिरते है। इधर उधर बंजारों
की तरह घुमते फिरो। क्या रखा है घूमने में? इतने पैसा अगर घर पर रहते तो पूरे
2 साल के लिए कपडे खरीद सकते थे।
For all bechare pati's

Mon Jul 7, 2014 8:45 pm (PDT) . Posted by:

"KALPESH PATEL" zeenukalpesh

Santa- kal meri shadi hai aur ladki walon ne kam log bulaye hai.
Banta- to isme prob kya hai?
Santa-pata nahi papa mujhe le jayenge ya nhi
##########
New style of proposing Love
I have spent many sleepless nights in your love and I don't want my son to do the same for your daughter… so lets make them brother and sister.
#############                  
Santa: Sharab pite pite rone laga
Banta: Kya hua kyon ro rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ki kara jis ladki ko bhulane k liye pi raha tha,uska naam yaad nhi aa raha hai
###########
By giving just our Vote to Mr Narendra Modi we are waiting for miracle to happen.
Aisaa Kuchh hone wala nahi….Aisa kuchh ho bhi nahi sakta…
Akela Mr Narendra Modi kya karega and kitana karega...
We need to change...
Jisko dekho woh paise baator ne ke koi bhi opportunity nahi chodta...
 
System is Spoiled in many areas.
Economy is already OFF the Tracked.
Talent and Black Money is already MIGRATED to Overseas.
Unfortunately Few Politicians are unqualified
Fortunately Media is Qualified  
Media is Powerful then they can control Wrong Doers
 
Akela Mr. Narendra Modi Kya Karega Aur Kitna Karega????
Change your thoughts …Desh Badlega
 
Every common man must play,
 Every Indian Need to play Genuine Role In the Interest of NATION.
It's a group Effort...

If you Agreeing to this then Fwd....This mail...Implement as well.

Wife to Husband :-
You don't Love me at all….

Husband points towards their 2 Children and says –
then do u think I've downloaded these from Google?
## # # # # # # # # # #                                                                     
New style of proposing Love
I have spent many sleepless nights in your love
and
I don't want my son to do the same for your daughter…
so lets make them brother and sister.
# # # # # # #       
                   
I want u …
To be with me In a nice Restaurant
To have candle light dinner…. &
to say those sweet three words to U….
"Pay The Bill"
# # # # # # # #
Aap kya jano hum aap ko kitna yaad karte hai,
Har pal aap ki faryad karte hai,
Roz khat likhte hai Cartoon network ko,
Aap ko dikhane ki mang karte hai

========================
 

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Monday, July 7, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3411

5 Messages

Digest #3411
1a
Re: Jokes, Shayaris, Cool, Quotes (24 May 14) by "Richa Aggarwal" love_only11004
2
Jokes, Shyaris, Qoute (06.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
3
We Indians Are Unique (06.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
4
Inspiration Story (06.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
5
Jokes, Shayaris, Quote (06.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Sun Jul 6, 2014 5:59 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Richa Aggarwal" love_only11004

Nice mail

Sent from my Windows Phone
------------------------------
From: Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]
<Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: ‎24-‎05-‎2014 07:43 PM
To: Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Hindi Jokes] Jokes, Shayaris, Cool, Quotes (24 May 14)

CHAK DE

=======

Wife (on phone)
Suniye ji, window khul nahi rahi hai.

Husband- Aisa karo
thoda tel garam kar ke us par daal do.

Wife- Kya usese kaam ho jayega.

Husband- Try to karo.

After 15 mins , husband calls wife.
Husband- Tumne try kiya??

Wife- Haan kiya, par ab laptop hi band ho gaya!!!

=======

What is "GENERATION GAP"?

**Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save 20 Rs.

Son spends 20 Rs. to save 20 Minutes.

(Surprisingly both are correct...!!!)

=======

"Is kadar bebas nahin zindagi

Koshish jeene ki to karo yaaron

Beh jaayenge gham saare aansu ban kar

Koshish inhein peene ki to karo yaaron"

=======

Chhat tapkti hai uske...kacche ghar ki....!

Wo Kissan fir bhi... Barish ki dua karta hai...

=======

Ye bhi ek tamasha hai bazar-e-ulfat me galib....

Dil kisi ka hota hai aur bas kisi ka chalta hai...

=======

"Reh rehkar unki yaad aaye to kya kare,

Unki yaad dil se na jaye to kya kare,

socha tha khwab me mulakaat hogi unse,

isi khushi me neend na aaye to kya kare!"

=======

WoMen never listen properly:-

Wife: I lost my keys again !

Husband: It's in your Jeans.

Wife: Don't drag my family into this....

=======

Here is a list of things you need to teach your child(ren) at early age:

1: Warn your girl child never to sit on anyone's laps no matter the
situation including
uncles.

2: Avoid getting dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old.
Learn to excuse them or yourself.

3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my wife' or 'my husband'

4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends make sure you look for
a way to find
out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse

themselves.

5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable
with and also be observant if your child
becomes too fond of a particular adult.

6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn you may need to
patiently
ask lots of questions from your child.

7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right values of sex . If you
don't, the society will teach them the wrong values.

8: It is always advisable you go through any new Material like cartoons you
just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice
your friends especially those your child(ren) visit(s) often.

10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and
warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that
includes you (remember, charity begins from home
and with you).

11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity
of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of standing out of the
crowd.

13: Once your child complains about a
particular person, don't keep quiet about it. Take
up the case and show them you can defend them.

Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be.

"We Cares for your Child..."

=======

आज सिर उठा के वही चलता है

जिसके पास Smart Phone नहीं है...

=======

महसूस जब हो कि सारा शहर, आपसे ज़लने लगा है,

समझ लेना आपका नाम भी , चलने लगा है !!...

=======

Yaadon ko awaaz na dena..

Jeena mushkil kar deti hain

=======

Kabhi hum tutey toh kabhi khwaab tutey,

Na jane kitne tukado mein armaan tutey,

Har tukda aayina hai zindagi ka,

Har aayine ke saath laakhon jazbaat tutey....

=======

Ae dil tu dhadak par itna to soch zara,

teri pasand aur hai mere halaat aur hai.

=======

कौन कहता है जैसा "संग वैसा रंग"

इंसान लोमड़ी के साथ नहीं रहता फिर भी 'शातिर' है...

इंसान शेर के साथ नहीं रहता फिर भी 'क्रूर' है...!!!

=======

"एक एक कर इतनी कमियां निकाली लोगों ने मुझमें,

की अब बस "खुबियां" ही रह गयी हैं मुझमें........!

=======

A Serious Statement written outside a Women shoe shop

.
.
.
.
.
.

50% Discount
if you select in 2min

=======

Height of hygiene...???

An architect washing his hands with dettol

after making a drawing of a toilet..

=======

Wife casually calls husband at office one afternoon:

Husband : Hi, kaisi ho?

Wife : Theek hun.
Husband : Aaj kya khaya lunch mein?

Wife : Tumhe bas yehi batein karni aati hain,

kya khaya, kuan sa serial dekha, kaun sa song suna....

Husband : Oh!! Ok Ok, ye batao ki how shuld RBI fight these inflationary
trends with minimum intervention in the money markets?

Wife : (after few seconds silence).... daal chawal khaye hain, dahi aur
salad bhi tha...

=======

Sent from Samsung Mobile

Sun Jul 6, 2014 6:09 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

Scientists have found ice and water On moon 

We just need to carry whisky and chips with us

Cant depend on Scientists for everything 

======

"बादशाह की गली मेँ आकर बादशाह का पता नही पूंछते,

गुलामो के जुके हुए सर खुदबखुद

रास्ता बता देते है

======

Hazaro ki ginti to hame nahi aati,

par khwab kuch aisa dekhte hai,

ke ret ka har zarra agar hira ban jaye to 

tohfe me aapko registan dene ki khwaish rakhte hai

======
मेरी आँखों के जादू से तुम अभी वाकिफ़ नही हो,

हम उसे भी जीना सिखा देते है, जिसे मरने का शौक हो......

======

अभी कदम ही रखा था 

हमने मैखाने में

की आवाज़ आई...

चला जा वापस ,

तुझे शराब की नहीं 

किसी के दीदार की ज़रूरत है...

======

Husband and wife had an heated argument on karva chauth day.

Husband came up with killer reply - Dimaag khane se bhi vrat tut jata hai! 
======

असल में वही जीवन की चाल समझता है ,

जो सफ़र में धूल को गुलाल समझता है..
======

Hostel student to his frnd:-
"bhai dhoa ho gya Dhoka" .Frnd:- kya ho gaya...??..Student:- "Ghar se books k liye paise mangvaaye the,...gharwalo ne books hi bhej di....

======

Kisi ko "QURAN" mein "IMAAN" na mila
Kisi ko "GITA" mein "GYAAN" na mila
Kisi ko "GURUGRANTH&quot; mein "SATNAAM" na mila

Kya milega unko "AASMAAN" mein "KHUDA",
Jinko "INSAAN" mein "INSAAN" na mila.

======

किसी भी रुत में खरीद लीजिये,

दिल के जख्म ताज़ा ही मिलेंगे.

======

मौत से क्या डर, मिनटों का खेल है

आफत तो जिंदगी है, बरसों चला करती हैं ...

======

दोस्त और बीवी को कभी  विश्वास दिलाने की जरुरत नहीं  होती।

क्योंकि दोस्त कभी शक़ नहीं  करेगा, 

और बीवी कभी यकीन  नहीं करेगी।....

======

सब समझते है, बात मतलब की, 

किस ने समझा है, बात का मतलब...

======

Gupta ji ne nayi car li aur car ke peeche likhwaya, " saawan ko aane do"

Peeche se truck ne thok diya. Truck par likha tha, " aaya saawan jhoom ke"
======

तुम भी कमाल करते हो ऐ पागल दिल 
उनको फुरसत नहीं और तुमको चैन नहीं !!!

======

कोई अपनों के लिए रोटी छोड़ देता है.... 
कोई रोटी के लिए अपनों को ही छोड़ देता है 

======

Unke na hone se kuchbhi nahi badla yaro...

Bas kal jaha dil hota tha,Aaj vaha dard hota hai...

======

Ye Sochkar Rok Leta Hu Me,Kalam Ko Teri Tareef Likhte Likhte..

Ki Kahi In Lafzo Ko Sabse Behtareen,Hone Ka Gumaan Na Ho Jay

======

Sun Jul 6, 2014 6:20 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

 We Indians Are Unique
1. Every Indian bachelor wants to marry a fair girl.
2. When the doorbell rings, a male or kid goes to open the door. But the female runs for her dupatta.
3. Picking up/dropping a relative (airport / railway stn) is an important family affair.
4. We thrive on street food and we don't get sick.
5. Every Indian mother has 2 careers - Working / Housewife + Match Making.
6. We have all had secret boyfriends / girlfriends. We don't care about them cheating on us but we dread getting caught by each others parents.
7. Indian girls have 3 type of brothers. Real brother, Cousin brother, Rakhee brother.
8. The bride must cry at her Vidai. She has no business looking happy.
9. We go on cleaning sprees only during Diwali or when we have guests coming over.
10. However old we are, our parents need to know every detail of our schedule. Daily. No excuses. No exemption.
11. When Indian parents buy tickets, every child becomes under 12. Getting a half ticket is a huge victory!

12. If we live in another city and don't call our Mom daily , she'll freak out and call all our friends to make sure we are alive.
13. We get embarrassed in front of our parents even when the word "sex" is written on a Form to specify gender.
14. No other nationality can beat Indians in bargaining. "Chalo bhaiya . Na tera na mera. Itne paise theek hain."

15. No matter if we are Convent educated. When we are actually angry, we switch to highly effective, dirty, swear words in our mother tongue.

16. We spend more time talking to guests at the door when they are leaving than while sitting in the living room.
17. Why to change the remote batteries when you can just slap the shit out of the remote and make it work?

18. Meeting a person with the same surname is like finding a long lost twin.

Sun Jul 6, 2014 6:20 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call asap, changed his clothes & went directly to the surgery block. He found the boy's father pacing in the hall waiting for the doctor. 
On seeing him, the dad yelled:"Why did you take all this time to come? Don't you know that my son's life is in danger? Don't you have any sense of responsibility?"
The doctor smiled & said:"I am sorry, I wasn't in the hospital & I came as fast as I could after receiving the call…… And now, I wish you'd calm down so that I can do my work"
"Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would you calm down? If your own son dies now what will you do??" said the father angrily
The doctor smiled again & replied: "I will say what Job said in the Holy Book "From dust we came & to dust we return, blessed be the name of God". Doctors cannot prolong lives. Go & intercede for your son, we will do our best by God's grace"
"Giving advises when we're not concerned is so easy" Murmured the father.
The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy,"Thank goodness!, your son is saved!" And without waiting for the father's reply he carried on his way running. "If you have any questions, ask the nurse!!"
"Why is he so arrogant? He couldn't wait some minutes so that I ask about my son's state" Commented the father when seeing the nurse minutes after the doctor left.
The nurse answered, tears coming down her face: "His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was at the burial when we called him for your son's surgery. And now that he saved your son's life, he left running to finish his son's burial."
Moral: Never judge anyone….. because you never know how their life is & what they're going through"

Sun Jul 6, 2014 6:20 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

Saaf saaf keh dene chahiye kisi se gila ho agar koi,,,

Faisle,,, Faaslo se kaafi behtar hote hain...!!!!

======

Pyar ki hadh toh dekho..

Mai karta raha uska intezaar 

aur waqt ne aage badna he chod diya...

======

मुमकिन हो तो मेरे दिल में रह लो,

इससे बेहतरीन मेरे पास कोई घर नहीं

======

नर्म लफ़्ज़ों से भी लग जाती है चोटें अक्सर,

रिश्ते निभाना बड़ा नाज़ुक सा हुनर होता है...

======

कोई ताल्लुक न जोड़ो मगर सामने तो रहो.....

तुम अपने गुरूर में खुश, 

और हम अपने सुरूर में खुश !!!!

======

"अपनी खुद की गलतियों पर हसना,आपकी उम्र बढा सकता हॆ- " -शेक्सपियर 

" अपनी बीवी की गलतियों पर हसना,आपकी उम्र घटा भी सकता हॆ" -शेक्सपियर की बीवी

======

Height of taunt:I was sitting in the window n singing"Kabutar ja ja ja"
.Mom came n replied"Net pack samplay wattat"
======

Technical PJ Will surely kill u -
Scientists were playing hide & seek in heaven.
Einstein was seeker.
Newton didn't hide & stood in a square of 1 meter.
Einstein: I found u Newton !! Thhappa !!!
Newton: U are Wrong.

I am not Newton.

As I am standing in 1 mtr square, I am Newton/per mt sq. 

So I am Pascal.
Aatli Batli Futli...

======

जब चलना नहीं आता तो गिरने नहीं देते थे लोग....
जब से संभाला खुद को.. कदम कदम पर गिराने की सोचते है लोग...

======

Aaj ka Gyan

हम भारतीयों के पास हर समस्या का समाधान होता है ...
बस समस्या दूसरे की होनी चाहिए ...
======

तुमने क्या सोचा कि तुम्हारे सिवा कोई नही मुझे चाहने वाला,

छोङ कर तो देख, मौत तैयारखङी है मुझे अपने सीने से लगाने के लिए…!!!

======

हर बार थाम लेंगे गिरो चाहे जितनी भी बार तुम..
इल्तिजा बस इतनी ही है मेरी नज़रों से न गिरना तुम...!!

======

तुम आओ कभी दस्तक तो दो दर-ए-दिल पर;

प्यार पहले से कम हो तो सज़ा-ए-मौत दे देना..!!!

======

 ला तेरे पेरों पर मरहम लगा दूं...
कुछ चोट तो तुझे भी आई होगी मेरे दिल को ठोकर मार कर...!!!

======

"मैं झुक गया तो वो सज़दा समझ बैठे,
मैं तो इन्सानियत निभा रहा था ... 
वो खुद को ख़ुदा समझ बैठे...!!".

======

यहाँ मेरा कोई अपना नहीं है..
..चलो अच्छा है कुछ ख़तरा नहीं है !!

======

हर किसी के नाम पे नहीं रूकती,

धडकनों के भी अपने उसूल होते हैं.
======

कहानियाँ कुछ यूं भी अधूरी रह जाती है
कभी पन्ने कम पङ जाते हैं कभी स्याही सूख जाती है

======
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