5 Messages
Digest #3428
Messages
Tue Aug 5, 2014 5:54 am (PDT) . Posted by:
"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
CHAK DE
घरेलु upchaar (आज का ज्ञान) ............
अच्छा लगे तो औरों को भी लाभान्वित करें ~
1. अगर आपको कुत्ता काट ले तो आप उसे काट लें, हिसाब बराबर....
2. दूध फट जाए तो सफ़ेद धागे से सील लें,
किसी को पता नहीं चलेगा ....
3. अगर आप के बाल गिरते हों तो मुंडन करवा लें, फिर नहीं गिरेंगे.....
4. अगर आप के दांत में कीड़ा लग जाए तो एक दो हफ्ते तक कुछ खाएं पीयें नहीं, कीड़ा अंदर ही भूखा मर जाएगा ...
5. अगर गले में दर्द हो तो किसी से गला दबवा लें, फिर कभी दर्द नहीं होगा....
6. अगर आप को रात मैं नींद नहीं आती तो दिन मैं सो जाएँ ....
7. अगर आप के हाथ मैं बहुत दर्द है तो एक मज़बूत हथौड़ी लें और ज़ोर से पाँव पे मारें, यक़ीन करें आप हाथ का दर्द भूल जायेंगे ....
Gharelu upchaar से फायदा हो तो दुआओं में याद रखना ....
वर्ना खुश तो मैं वैसे भी हूँ
Tue Aug 5, 2014 5:54 am (PDT) . Posted by:
"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
CHAK DE
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"जवाब" तो था मेरे पास उन के हर सवाल का
पर खामोश रहकर मैंने उनको "लाजवाब" बना दिया...
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तेरे होठों में भी क्या खूब नशा मिला....
यू लगता है तेरे जूठे पानी से ही शराब बनती है....
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ज्यादा लगाव ना रख मुझसे ,
मेरे दुश्मन कहते है मेरी उम्र छोटी है ,
डर मौत का नहीं ,
तेरे अकेलेपन का है !!!
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अकेले हो तो महेफील की याद आती हे..ओर महेफीलोमे तनहाइ सताती हे.. ओर..रिसते बनाकर मुकबीर होना अछी बात नही.महोबत मरते दमतक तालुकात रघती हे.
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वक़्त की कीमत कोई उस अख़बार से पूछे . . .
दिन बीत जाने के बाद जिसकी कोई कीमत नहीं होती . . .
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हमने कब माँगा है तुमसे
मोहब्बत का "हिसाब किताब"
बस दर्द वाली किश्तें देते रहा करो
मोहब्बत अपने आप बढ़ती "जायेगी"
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"Abey jaa... bahot dekhe hain tere jaise"
~ One Chinese to another.
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Tue Aug 5, 2014 6:03 am (PDT) . Posted by:
"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
CHAK DE
======
After installing
WhatsApp, We Chat, Snapchat,
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Haryanvi called his mobile service customer care:
"Re maari bhains ne Sim khaa li aur bhaag gi..."
Customer Care Executive (irritated):
"to main kekaroo?"
Haryanvi replied:"
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Marne ke liyeThoda sa...LekinJinda Rahne ke Liye bahotSara Jahar Pina Padta hai...
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सब मंजिलों की तलाश में भटक रहे थे ,
हम उनकी आँखों में सफ़र ढूंढ रहे थे |
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पानी की हर "बूंद" का सम्मान करें..
चाहे वो "आसमान"से टपकेया "आँखों "से ।
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मस्जिद तो हुई हासिल हमको, खाली ईमान गंवा बैठे ।
मंदिर को बचाया लड-भीडकर, खाली भगवान गंवा बैठे ।
धरती को हमने नाप लिया, हम चांद सितारों तक पहुंचे ।
कुल कायनात को जीत लिया, खाली इन्सान गंवा बैठे ।
मजहब के ठेकेदारों ने आज फिर हमे युं भडकाया ।
के काजी और पंडित जिन्दा थे, हम अपनी जान गंवा बैठे ।
सरहद जब जब भी बंटती है, दोनो नुकसान उठाते है ।
हम पाकिस्तान गंवा बैठे, वो हिन्दुस्तान गंवा बैठे ।
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Tue Aug 5, 2014 6:58 am (PDT) . Posted by:
"smabbass" smabbass
Please send more jocked
Sent from Samsung Mobile
-------- Original message --------
From: "Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]" <Hindi_Jokes-noreply@yahoogroups.com>
Date: 27/07/2014 12:26 PM (GMT+05:30)
To: Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Hindi Jokes] Jokes, Shayaris (27.07.14)
CHAK DE
======
This is killer...
'With Modi govt,
even Ishant Sharma performs'
======
Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you,
and who will BITE you !
(Group members are advised not to try this at home
as these stunts were performed by professionals;
who are now!divorced; and living happily with their dog)
Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says...
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before
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इतना भी गुमान न कर अपनी जीत पर "ए बेखबर"
शहर में तेरी जीत से ज़्यादा चर्चे तो मेरी हार के है.
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दुनिया में बहुत से लोग आईना देख कर डर जाते,
अगर आईने में चेहरा नहीं चरित्र दिखाई देता.
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Teacher asked her young students to get their parents
to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff.
But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about
my Mom.
She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq
and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory
and all she had was a flask of whiskey,
a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way
down so the bottle wouldn't break
and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until
she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife,
till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.
'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk......!!!!"
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Ab Mai News mein aata hoon;
Gharo mein nahi.
~ Tamatar.
======
"मेरे दोस्त बरबाद होगे तो सिर्फ
तिन पत्ती और कैंडी क्रश की वजह से....
वरना शराब की क्या ओकात जो बरबाद कर दे..!!"
======
Sent from Samsung Mobile
-------- Original message --------
From: "Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]" <Hindi_Jokes-noreply@yahoogroups.com>
Date: 27/07/2014 12:26 PM (GMT+05:30)
To: Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Hindi Jokes] Jokes, Shayaris (27.07.14)
CHAK DE
======
This is killer...
'With Modi govt,
even Ishant Sharma performs'
======
Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you,
and who will BITE you !
(Group members are advised not to try this at home
as these stunts were performed by professionals;
who are now!divorced; and living happily with their dog)
Don't laugh loud ----
The extended version says...
Put your husband in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before
======
इतना भी गुमान न कर अपनी जीत पर "ए बेखबर"
शहर में तेरी जीत से ज़्यादा चर्चे तो मेरी हार के है.
======
दुनिया में बहुत से लोग आईना देख कर डर जाते,
अगर आईने में चेहरा नहीं चरित्र दिखाई देता.
======
Teacher asked her young students to get their parents
to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff.
But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about
my Mom.
She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq
and her plane got hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory
and all she had was a flask of whiskey,
a pistol and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way
down so the bottle wouldn't break
and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until
she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife,
till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher.
'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?
"Stay away from Mommy when she'
======
Ab Mai News mein aata hoon;
Gharo mein nahi.
~ Tamatar.
======
"मेरे दोस्त बरबाद होगे तो सिर्फ
तिन पत्ती और कैंडी क्रश की वजह से....
वरना शराब की क्या ओकात जो बरबाद कर दे..!!"
======
Tue Aug 5, 2014 10:54 pm (PDT) . Posted by:
"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
CHAK DE
======
बुराई से सिर्फ वो ही लड़ा है
जो सच की नीव पे खड़ा है
याद करेगा ये दोस्त मेरा भी
दिलजले से जो पाला पड़ा है
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उसका वादा भी बडा अजीब था जिंदगी भर साथ निभाने का;
मैंने भी ये नहीं पूछा कि मुहब्बत में साथ दोगे या यादों में ...
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उसी से पूछ लो उसके इश्क की कीमत,
हम तो बस भरोसे पे बिक गए...
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काश कोई आईना ऐसा भी होता जो पीठ दिखा पाता ,
आखिर किसके कितने खंजर लगे ये तो जान पाता .
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उनके हाथ में मेंहदी लगाने का हमें यह फायदा हुआ
कि रात भर हम उनके चेहरे से जुल्फें हटाते रहे .........
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Swamiji, I doubt my husband has been cheating on me....
I have doubt on one woman.... what to do?.....Take your husband to that woman's doorstep...
and see if his wifi connects automatically.
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NEVER LIE TO A SMART WOMAN
Man on phone: Honey I've been asked to go fishing with my boss for 2 days...30- 31st.
This is a good opportunity for me to get the promotion.
So, could you please pack enough clothes for 2 days,
set out my rod & fishing box.
We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things.
Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas !
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said
The husband came home on 1st jan even a little tired but looking good.
The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught any fish ?
He said "Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn't u pack my blue silk pajamas ?"
You'll love the answer..!!
She says,"I did.. They're in your fishing box!!!!!!!!
Game over....
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A doctor addressing a large audience in OxfordOpening the floor with questions can be disastrous
"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here,
years ago Red meat is full of steroids and dye.
Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.
Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High trans-fat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by germs in our drinking water.
But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have,
or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand,
and softly said, "Wedding Cake".
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प्लेटफार्म पर ढेर सारा सामान लिए खड़ी एक औरत से कुली ने पूछा ,
मैडम कुली चाहिए ?
औरत ने बड़ी विनम्रता के साथ जबाब दिया,
नहीं भैया मेरे पति मेरे साथ हैं...
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