Saturday, July 26, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3423

2 Messages

Digest #3423
1
Quote, Shayaris, Jokes (25.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
2
Story - Indian Air Force Pilot by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Fri Jul 25, 2014 6:43 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

People Who Judge Everyone Else,

Need to Put Down the Magnifying Glass

& Pick up a Mirror.

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आसमान जो इतना बुलंदी पर इतराता है ....!

भूल जाता है ...ज़मीन से ही नज़र आता है...!!

======

HR in office : Okay guys, this is a new HR practice - Today we are going to play a game.

When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the court.

And when I say a any color, you run to the left side of the court. 

One who is wrong will not get the increment...

got it ?
Employees : Yes, Got it.
HR : Okay...Ready, Set...
..ORANGE !

Employees : Wat d hell?

hahahahaha

======

बन्दा खुद की नज़र में सही होना चाहिए, 

दुनिया तो साली भगवान से भी दुखी है "

======

Nice one..it's different from all husband wife jokes....
अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे !!!.
भले झगडे, गुस्सा करे, एक दुसरे पर टुट पड़ेएक दुसरे पर दादागिरि करने के लिये, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
जो कह्ना हे  वह कह ले, जो करना हे वह कर लेएक दुसरे के चश्मे और लकड़ी ढुंढने में, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
मे रूठु  तो तुम मना लेना, तुम रूढ़ो ताे  मै मना  लुगाएक दुसरे को लाड़  लड़ानेके लिये, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
आँखे जब धुँधली होंगी, याददाश्त जब कमजोर होंगीतब एक दूसरे को एक दूसरे मे ठूँढने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
घुटने जब दुखने लगेंगे, कमर भी झुकना  बंद करेगीतब एक दूसरे के पांव के नाखून काटने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
"मेरी हेल्थ  रिपोर्ट  एक दम नोर्मल है, आइ एम आलराईट ऐसा कह कर ऐक दूसरे को बहकाने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
साथ जब छुट जायेगा, बीदाई की घड़ी  जब आजायेगीतब एक दूसरे को माफ करने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे.

======

हजार के नोटो से तो बस जरूरत पुरी होती हैं..

मजा तो माँ से

मांगे एक रूपये के सिक्के मे था....

======

हम दोस्ती करते है तो अफसाने लिखे जाते है,

और दुश्मनी करते है तो तारीखे लिखी जाती है ,,,

======

Which State in India has highest English speaking population?
Answer : Before 8 pm. -- Kerala After 8 pm ---- Maharashtra 
For communication skills,U don't need any classes.... Only glasses. 

======
Love affairs are like the game of Cricket;

Where One-Day Internationals are more popular than a 5 day Test

======

Fri Jul 25, 2014 7:03 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

On Sunday evening 13th July 2014, the Air India's flight AI-144, a B-777, was ready for a routine flight from Newark to Mumbai with 300 passengers and 15 crew. The weather in New Jersey was heavy passing showers here and there. 

It was a routine departure at about 5 pm (local time) for a long 15-16 hrs flight to Bombay nee Mumbai. The aircraft naturally was at its maximum take off weight, as it was fully loaded with the fuel required for this long transcontinental flight.

The take off run was a normal routine one. Immediately on lift off the worst nightmare of a pilot, the loss of an engine at maximum take off weight, happened. The left engine caught fire, and at the same time the cockpit engine fire warnings did not function. The passengers and crew sitting on the left side were horrified to see flames from the left engine. Other airplanes and Air Traffic Control warned the Pilot of the engine being on fire. The Pilots till that time unaware of the engine fire, checked up and carried out the emergency drills as per the required procedures. The B-777 is a 2 engine aircraft, and loosing one engine (50% power) at the maximum a/c weight on take off is a nightmare for the best of Pilots and in the best of circumstances. 

In such an emergency, the Pilots will first think of making the aircraft light, which is done by dumping the extra fuel. For this Pilots need to climb up to a designated minimum height and dump the fuel in areas already specified by the local airport authorities. The time to reach the dumping height and area could have taken 15 to 30 minutes, because of heavy weight and loss of an engine. The actual fuel dump can take another 30 to 40 minutes, depending on the amount of fuel to be dumped out. The exercise of dumping fuel to lighten the aircraft would have taken any thing around 60 to 70 minutes, a valuable time they did not have. 

The Pilots had a serious emergency of an engine having been on fire at hand. This could have caused, secondary as yet unknown failures. They had to take an instant decision, which they rightfully took to land as soon as possible, rather than use up precious time to try and dump fuel.

The immediate landing back, of course had its own problems. The very high landing weight. This in turn will need the aircraft to be landed at a much higher speed. The immediate anxiety of the Pilots in this case would have been three fold. Firstly, will the airplane stop in the available runway length, landing at about 200 Knots (which is 370 kms/hr), the minimum speed required at the weight. Secondly, will the landing gear take the load of landing at such a high speed and weight (85 tonnes more than the maximum design landing weight). Thirdly, they were flying only on one engine, which has its own problems of aircraft handling and control.

The Pilots averted a major emergency into becoming a possible catastrophe by landing the aircraft successfully back. The handling skills and good cool airmanship displayed by the Pilots was the primary reason of this emergency being converted into just an incident, which the Indian media thought was of no consequence of being reported or being commented upon. The visual media (all channels of TV) was only concerned on a non issue of why one 'Ved Pratap Vaidik' met a certain ' Hafiz Saeed' on a visit to Pakistan. The print media was merely interested in printing and commenting some dubious statistics where the ATC Controllers and Pilots have erred. Regrettably the media just shut their eyes to this incidence as it made no juicy news for them. They were not interested in how a major catastrophe was averted and lives of 315 persons were saved by the good professional handling and competent decisions of AIR INDIA PILOTS.

My congratulations to Capt Gautam Verma and his crew (2nd Commander Capt Niranjan Singh & First Officers Capt Pankaj Wadhawan & Capt Shilpika Das) for displaying airmanship and professional competence of the highest order in handling a most difficult situation competently and successfully.
It is disappointing that the PRO of Air India has also failed in bringing the true facts of the incidence to the notice of the visual and print media and getting the competence and proficiency of their employees due national recognition. It should also be a matter of great national concern that the Indian media had nothing to say about the competent handling of this grave in flight situation and preventing it becoming a catastrophe.

The writer is a retired Air India & Indian Air Force Pilot with over 40 years of flight experience.

Friends do share this with others, as the National media has failed to recognize and give due credit to our Indian Pilots, who have done a great and creditable job and not let a grave emergency develop into disaster.
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Friday, July 25, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3422

3 Messages

Digest #3422
1
Shayaris, Jokes, Quote (24.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
2
One Line Humor... (24.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:23 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

एक अजीब सी दौड़ है ये ज़िन्दगी, जीत जाओ तो कई अपने पीछे छूट जाते हैं,

और हार जाओ तो अपने ही पीछे छोड़ जाते हैं।.....

======
Trust a person to that extent,

That he feels guilty to cheat you; and

Care a person to that extent,

That he fears to loose you...!

======

लड़की- एक बात सुनो तुम मेरे लिए क्या कर सकते हो?लड़का- जो तुम कहो darling!!लड़की- क्या चाँद ला सकते हो?
लड़का गया और कुछ चीज़ छिपा कर लाया और लड़की से कहा आँखे बंद करो। 
और वो चीज़ लड़की के हाथो में दी। फिर लड़की से आँखे खोलने को कहा। 
लड़की की आँखों में आंसू थे। क्योकि उसकी हाथो में एक आइना था जिसमे उस लड़की का चेहरा नज़र आ रहा था। 
लड़की ने कहा - How Romantic तुम मुझे चाँद सा समझते हो।
लड़का बोला- नहीं मैं तो तुझे सिर्फ ये समझा रहा था जिस मुह से चाँद मांग रही हैं, वो थोबड़ा कभी आईने में भी देखा था या नहीं।
हंसो और हँसो

======

कौन अमीर हैं यहाँ? 

ख्वाहिशें सबकी जैसी अधूरी हो यहाँ… 

कोई मंदिर के अन्दर भीख मांगता हैं, 

कोई मंदिर के बाहर...

======

Grammar Teacher: Iss muhaavre ka udaahran do 
"Begaani shaadi mein Abdullah deewana"

Santa : Hindustaaniyon ka raat bhar jaag kar Fifa World Cup dekhna!

======

Aashiqui 2' dekh k pata chala ki.....1 ladka 1 ladki ke liye jaan de sakta hai,but...DARU nahi chhod sakta.....Piyo bhai piyo...Mahek Whisky ki kabhi kam nahi hoti,Pine se Zindgi khatam nahi hoti.Botal k sath ho agr Namkin or Gold flake,To Zindgi SULTAN MIRZA se kam nahi hoti.

======

♡ किसी टूटे हुए मकान की तरह हो गया है ये दिल,
कोई रहता भी नही, और कमबख्तबिकता भी नही..♡

======

शब्द तोह हमेशा दिल से निकलते है , 
दिमाग से तो शब्दों के मतलब निकलते है ..

======

Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:24 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

 One Line Humor...
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?Dr: Get married.Man: Will it help?Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it...

Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:24 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

Germany is a highly industrialized country.
In such a country, many will think its people lead a luxurious life.

When we arrived at Hamburg , my colleagues walked into the restaurant, we noticed that a lot of tables were empty. There was a table where a young couple was having their meal. There were only two dishes and two cans of beer on the table. I wondered if such simple meal could be romantic, and whether the girl will leave this stingy guy.

There were a few old ladies on another table. When a dish is served, the waiter would distribute the food for them, and they would finish every bit of the food on their plates.

As we were hungry, our local colleague ordered more food for us.When we left, there was still about one third of un-consumed food on the table.

When we were leaving the restaurant, the old ladies spoke to us in English, we understood that they were unhappy about us wasting so much food.

"We paid for our food, it is none of your business how much food we left behind," my colleague told the old ladies. The old ladies were furious. One of them immediately took her hand phone out and made a call to someone. After a while, a man in uniform from Social Security organisation arrived. Upon knowing what the dispute was, he issued us a 50 Euro fine. We all kept quiet.

The officer told us in a stern voice, "ORDER WHAT YOU CAN CONSUME, MONEY IS YOURS BUT RESOURCES BELONG TO THE SOCIETY. THERE ARE MANY OTHERS IN THE WORLD WHO ARE FACING SHORTAGE OF RESOURCES. YOU HAVE NO REASON TO WASTE RESOURCES."

The mindset of people of this rich country put all of us to shame. WE REALLY NEED TO REFLECT ON THIS. We are from country which is not very rich in resources. To save face, we order large quantity and also waste food when we give others a treat.
(Courtesy: A friend who is now changed a lot)

THE LESSON IS:- THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT CHANGING OUR BAD HABITS. Expecting acknowledgment, that u read the message and forward to your contacts. 
VERY TRUE -"MONEY IS YOURS BUT RESOURCES BELONG TO THE SOCIETY."
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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3421

2 Messages

Digest #3421
1
Jokes (22.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
2
Shayaris, Quote, Jokes (22.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Tue Jul 22, 2014 7:26 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

EXPECT more from Yourself than from Others

Becoz

EXPECTATION from others HURTS a lot

While EXPECTATION from yourself INSPIRES a lot.
======

Manager ne joke sunaya...
sub employees hasne lage, except one..
Manager poocha usko.."tuje mera joke pasand nahi aaya???"...
Employee: "sir mera doosre company me job confirm ho gaya hai...."

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1st Sharabi: Ye tum har peg ke baad pocket se nikaal kar kya dekhte ho?

2nd Sharabi: Biwi ki photo, Jab sundar lagne lagegi to iska matlab chadh gayi hai.!

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A girl msgs in whatsapp group: 
Guys, if I install Windows-7 of 32 bit two times then will it become 64 bit???
Other Girl in group replied:It will also become Windows-14.
All guys left group

======

Jus couldnt resist posting this.. 

Watch ur finger closely.The ink u got on ur nail after voting might still be there on ur finger tip..!!Ur nail itself doesnt grow so fast.. 

and u expect development to happen in such a quick time?? Keep calm !!

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'KaranArjun' aur 'AchheDin' bhai bhai hai.

Kyunki Dono ka hi surname 'Aayenge' hai.

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Brazil jaise hari hai 

unka dukh to sirf congress hi samaj sakti hai.

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Do you know...Yesterday at BJP office Piyush Goel narrated a small story about Modi ji's friday visit to JK..
after the train flag off, Modi ji went to Uri which is 4 km from LOC. 

He inquired about education of the population and got to know that the entire area had only 1 school and that was Kendriya Vidhaylaya and that too upto class 10...

When Modi ji enquired about 11/12 he was told that students go to srinagar -30km and daily up down is NOT possible. 

So Modi ji immediately called up HRD minister and ensured that by the time he left from Uri by 4 pm, not only 11/12 was announced, but admission process and session starting day too!! 

This is Governance at its BEST.

None of the biased media wud cover.- 

======

Tue Jul 22, 2014 7:26 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

Vakt Ki Vakalat na Karna Mere Samne..
SaBse Jyada Dhoka.. Isine diya hai...

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Brazil 4-0 Germany2002: Brazil 2-0 Germany2004: Brazil 1-1 Germany__________________________2014: Brazil 1-7 Germany. balance sheet tally

======

Never understood the logic behind hiding the Groom's shoes for money??

If you hide his Bride that night, you can earn in lakhs..
======

Senior trying to set a password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.

======

One day cigarette will be put in a museum & a guy will point at 
'classic mild' and say "Dekh yeh dada peete the. Bahut ameer the woh"
#ModiBudget

======
With the right Music; 

You either forget everything; 

Or

You remember everything.

======

A Brazilian kid's comment on a post: "I'm locked inside my house, 
ashamed to go out to the porch & watch my dog who is a German Shepherd. 
Instead of barking, he's laughing.

======
Exam Hall में बैठकर हम यही सोचते हैं

कि हमारी याददाश्त बहुत कमजोर है…
लेकिन,

जिससे कभी प्यार किया हो

और उसे भूलना चाहो........तो लगता है कि जैसे सारी दुनिया के काजू बादाम हमने ही खा रखे हों.....
======

 We know what we want, 

but often forget what we really need .....

======

With so much allocation in budget .. 

50 cr extra has been set aside to arrest those who are sending requests for Candy crush :

======
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Sunday, July 20, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3420

3 Messages

Digest #3420
1
Shayaris, Poem, Joke (20.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
2
Story-GLASS OF MILK (20.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
3
Shyaris (20.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Sat Jul 19, 2014 11:50 pm (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

 जब से उसने बारिशों में भीगना छोड़ दिया

बादलों ने मेरे शहर पर बरसना छोड़ दिया....

======

ये भी अच्छा हुआ कि,

कुदरत ने रंगीन नही रखे ये आँसू .

वरना जिसके दामन में गिरते,

वो भी … बदनाम हो जाता …

======

Husband ko market jaate huye Wife ne paise dekar kaha: 

Kuch aisi cheez laana jis se main aapko SUNDAR dikhu.
Husband khud k liye Whisky ki 2 Bottle le aaya..

======

पारो ने कहा शराब छोड़ दो,
.
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बस उसके बाद फिर पारो से कभी बात  नहीं हुई
======

 मकान चाहे कच्चे थेलेकिन रिश्ते सारे सच्चे थे...

चारपाई पर बैठते थे, पास पास रहते थे...सोफे और डबल बेड आ गए, दूरियां हमारी बढा गए....

छतों पर अब न सोते हैंबात बतंगड अब न होते हैं..

आंगन में वृक्ष थेसांझे सुख दुख थे...

दरवाजा खुला रहता थाराही भी आ बैठता था...

कौवे भी कांवते थेमेहमान आते जाते थे...

इक साइकिल ही पास थाफिर भी मेल जोल था...

रिश्ते निभाते थेरूठते मनाते थे...

पैसा चाहे कम थामाथे पे ना गम था...

मकान चाहे कच्चे थेरिश्ते सारे सच्चे थे...

अब शायद कुछ पा लिया हैपर लगता है कि बहुत कुछ गंवा दिया

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हमने चलना छोड़ दिया है पैदल अब इन राहों में, 

टूटे हुए वादों के टुकड़े चुभते हैं अब पाँव में.

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Sardar was driving car very fast. 

Trafic police caught him.

Sardar-Sir, I am learning driving.

Police-without Teacher?

Sardar-ya, its correspondence Course...

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Sat Jul 19, 2014 11:50 pm (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

GLASS OF MILK

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.

Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! 
She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?"

You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness."

He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.

Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes.

Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.

Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once.

He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her case.

After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, and then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words ...

"Paid in full with one glass of milk"

(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that your love has spread broad through human hearts and hands."

There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If you never see the deed again at least you will have made the world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is all about?

Now you have two choices.

1. You can send this page on and spread a positive message.

2. Or ignore it and pretend it never touched your heart.

Sun Jul 20, 2014 12:03 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

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उसने दिन रात मुझको सताया इतना,
के नफरत भी हो गई और मोहब्बत भी हो गई

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बर्बाद करके उसने पूछा, "फिर करोगे मुझसे मोहब्बत?"

लहू-लहू था दिल मग़र होंठ कह गये "ब़ेपनाह य़कीनन"...

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टूटे हुए गिलास में जाम नहीं आता, 

इश्क के मरीजों को आराम नहीं आता,

दिल तोड़ने से पहले सोचा तो होता, 

टुटा हुआ दिल किसी के काम नहीं आता |

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खूबसूरती का तो हर कोई आशिक़ होता है ,

किसी को खूबसूरत बना के... इश्क़ किया जाए
तो क्या बात है....!!

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तनहइयो के आलम की ना बात करो जनाब...

नहीं तो फिर बन उठेगा जाम और बदनाम होगी शराब.

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 इक-इक ईंट गिराता हूँ मैं दिन भर लेकिन,

रात में फिर कोई दीवार बना देता है !!

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सिगरेट नहीं पीता...................
पर हर आने जाने वाले से माचिस पूछ लेता हूँ 
बहुत कुछ है अन्दर जिसे जला देना चाहता हूँ ...

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मौक़ा सभीको मिलता है.......

अब मेरी बारी ....

क्यों की आज तक जो किया उसका ग़म नहीं .........

और आज जो करने वाला हूँ....

वो सुल्तान मिर्झा से कम नहीं.

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