Monday, March 23, 2015

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3469

10 Messages

Digest #3469
Shayaris, Jokes (22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Comparing WC teams with Academics Performance (22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Shayaris, Jokes (22.05.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Harsha Bhogale is one of the best Commentator! (22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
I am sharing someone's wonderful experience (22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Advice from a CA:  (22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
A beautiful STORY...(22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Mishraji - (22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
I've learned ...(22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Jokes, Shayaris, Quote (22.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat"


Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:24 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

 Wife : Poora dinn cricket - cricket, Main ghar chhod kar ja rahi hun.
Husband :Aur ye Kadmo ka behtarin upyog..
बड़ी चालाक होती है जिंदगी हमारी,
रोज़ नया कल देकर, उम्र छीनती रहती है...!!
वो अपने ख़ामोशी की अदा से ही घायल कर गए
हम अल्फाजों के गठरी लिए बैठे रह गए
ले आओ कहीं से मोह़ब्बत के 'हकीम' को...
मेरे ग्रुप में तो,सिर्फ ईश्क़ के मरीज है...😜😀😃
कब पूरा होगा ये इश्क़ का कर्ज ,
रोज आँसु का हफ्ता दे रहा हूँ मै ।
 लम्हे बेचकर, पैसे तो आ गये ..
अब बताओ...
किस दुकान पे ख़ुशी मिलेगी...!!😊
No father has ever explained the importance of Studies in such a awesome way to his son... 
"'With every wrong answer that you write in your exam paper ... your future honeymoon shifts from Switzerland to goa to saputara to Mehsana water park 😂😂😂
During a heart transplant.Doctor: OMGNurse: what happened.D: My mobile network is gone.N: So?D: I don't know what to do next.N: Why............D: I'm from IIN.Nurse behosh...😂😝😜
हम दोनों ही डरते थे इक दूसरे से बात करने के लिए,
मुझे मोहब्बत हो गयी थी इसलिए औरउसे मोहब्बत ना हो जाये इसलिए

Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:25 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

Comparing WC teams with Academics Performance
India == An unpredictable student who either tops or fails miserably and has a rich daddy. Even if he fails the mother covers up by saying 'Atleast he has better marks than his other classmate called Pakistan'
South Africa == A student who tops in units and semesters, but fails in the final exams
Pakistan == A student who has the potential of being a topper but spends most of his time fighting and even beating other schoolmates. Either blames the teacher, paper quality of the exam paper, or fellow classmate (India) for his non-performance
England == A rare case where the teacher is still a student who has never cleared a final exam
West Indies == A student who was a topper till 5th grade but currently fails in every exams. Has a tendency of not preparing for the final exams and also leaving midway from the examination hall
New Zealand == A student who always scores a distinction but never tops the class
Australia == A student who is always a topper and the biggest bully of the school
Sri Lanka == A student who suddenly became a potential topper after 5th grade-- 

Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:26 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

A broken lover's emotional status on Facebook:
"Agar wo meri nahi huyi to kisi aur ki bhi nahi hone doonga...!"
Friend's Comment: "Agar wo teri ho gayi to sab ki hone dega kya..??!"😂😂😂😂
सीना तानेएक दोस्त उपदेश ठोक रहा था…
लोहा लोहे को काटता हैहीरा हीरे को…
इसी बीच पीछे से आकरउसे कुत्ते ने काट लिया...😜 🐶 😝

Husband was shocked 😳😱to read wife's 👧Old school report card 📑… 
The comment written ......Very obedient andSoft Spoken student 😂😂
Difference between "Facebook"; and "Whatsapp"; conversation :
On "Whatsapp"; - Wife : Kab se wait kar rahi hoon. Ghar kab aa rahe ho?
Husband : Abhi kuchh pataa nahi. Dimaag mat chaato. Jab dekho pareshaan karti rehti ho.
On "FaceBook"; -Wife : Dear when will you be back? You are the best husband in the world. Miss you. Come back soon.(Status liked by 50 of her friends)
Husband : Thanks for being there always. So lucky to have a wonderful wife like you. Will be back soon honey. (Status liked by 75 friends, including sister-in-law & mother-in-law)😝😝😝
 सँभलकर कर चलते रहे उम्र भर अनजानी राहों पर 
पैर लड़खड़ाए वहीं जहाँ राहें जानी पहचानी थी.
A man takes photograph of his wife and
 calls himself a Wildlife photographer😋
देखेंगे अब जिंदगी चित होगी या पट......
हम किस्मत का सिक्का उछाल बैठे हैं....!

आदमी: भगवान जब मैं मरने को आऊंगा तब मुझे पांच मिनट देना।
भगवान: क्यों?
आदमी: मोबाइल फॉर्मेट करने के लिए, वरना मरने के बाद इज़्ज़त की वाट लग जायेगी ।😛😝😜

Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:49 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

Harsha Bhogale is one of the best Commentator! 
Geoffrey Boycott once said Sachin may be a great batsman but he never got his name at the Lord's honours boards.Reply by Harsha – "So whose loss it is, Sachin's or honors of board?"
Explaining how Cheteshwar Pujara is a fine Test player but the T20 format doesn't suit himHarsha – "Pujara is classical musician in the era of Yo Yo Honey Singh"
After Dhoni sent a Mitchell Starc's slow delivery to the boundaryHarsha – "He had all the time in the world, he could have read a newspaper"
About Rahul Dravid's devastating form.Harsha – "Ask him to walk on water and he will ask, how many Kilometers?"
About Glenn Maxwell's batting…Harsha – " He just loves storm through, I guess if he had a car, he would probably start it in 4th gear"
When Michael Clarke got caught at slip but was still waiting for the umpire's decision.Harsha – "I think he is waiting for tomorrow's newspaper to declare him out"
Dhoni was cracking one shot after another until Sachin got on strike and he also caressed a delivery towards covers.Harsha – "We have surgeon at one end and a butcher at the other"
After Dhoni lost the toss yet again…Harsha – "Dhoni again called for heads to the coin which has two tails"
While co-commentating with Rahul Dravid in a Test match that India was losing to England.Harsha – "The only man who can save this match is the man sitting besides me"
After a diving Kieron Pollard could not take a catch…Harsha – "If Pollard can't reach it then it's not a catch"
About Ashwin's slow running between the wickets.Harsha – "Dhoni is extremely quick between wickets and Ashwin… let's just say he has other skills"
On 'how tough it must be to be Sachin…'Harsha – "One of the problem u face being Tendulkar is that ur always compared with Tendulkar"

Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:49 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

I am sharing someone's wonderful experience, he recently had in Singapore. 
I was invited to one Friday evening event by one of MNC Vendor organization who had organized the event to raise funds for the visually handicapped people in a center for blind people.
As usual, since it was a Friday evening, I first thought to skip the event considering it could be a bit boring and rather spend the evening relaxing by some other means.
But being alone and sometimes finding it difficult to kill time, I thought to accept the invitation and registered on line for booking.
Moreover it was free :) which was another motivation to go to the event.
I was looking at the event to pass some time, meet few people and nothing else.
When I went there, there were approx 40 people from various industries invited for that event. I found some Indians and naturally talked to them about how life is in Singapore etc etc. Initially we were shown a video about the visually handicapped center. What are their activities, how are they helping blind people in Singapore to lead a more fulfilling life, etc . It was a short 15 minute video and quite inspiring that how people from different walks of life spend time in helping these blind people without expecting anything in return.
They shared the satisfaction and fulfilment they get by helping them.
After the video, we all were gathered in a hall and were briefed about next event. The theme of the next event was "Dining in the Dark".
And this is the event which turned out to be inspiring and worth sharing.
What is meant was that we all 40+ people were going to have Dinner in a pitch Dark room !!!! The next 2 hours were completely planned, organized , directed and executed by three blind youths.
One was a girl ( Leader ) and other two boys were assistant to her forming a team of three blind volunteers.
The blind leader first gave us tips for dining (These were ACTUAL STANDARDS THE BLIND PEOPLE FOLLOW IN ORDER TO MAKE THEIR LIFE EASIER)
1. When you sit at your table the things will be placed as follows :at 3 o clock of your dish : You will find a 9 o clock : Fork; 12 o clock : spoon. 2 o clock : Empty Glass Dish at the center with Paper napkin tucked at 6 o clock. 
2. There will be two large Jugs circulated to you. The Jug with plain walls will have water and the Jug with curved wall will have orange juice.
3. When you get your Jug based on your choice you have to pour it in your glass. You have to dip your forefinger in the glass so that when you fill it and the liquid touches your finger, you have to stop pouring.
She asked whether everyone has understood.
All said yes but everyone was confused and trying to remember what she said and confirming with each other. Next 1 1/2 hours we spent were full of fun and learning. In completely pitch dark room where we could not see ANYTHING we were enjoying various delicious food without seeing it.
We all 40 people were taken in groups in the dark hall.
Each one was directed by blind person till he/she sits on a chair (We were finding it awkward because actually we are supposed to guide blind people to their destination and help them).
We were Served full five course dinner by this team of three blind people-Welcome drinks, appetizers, starters , main course and desserts.
The amazing thing was that the team of three blind people were serving exactly vegetarian dishes to vegetarian people who were sitting randomly in the room!
While registering on line we were asked question to choose from "Vegetarian" or "Non vegetarian". I obviously chose Vegetarian, being one. We were so nicely hosted that we did not have to wait in between serves . As we were ending finishing one dish, we were served with next without any delays.
After approx 1 and half hours of Dining in the dark , the leader asked whether everyone has finished eating. After confirmation she switched on the lights of the dining room.
We left the Dining room with tears in our eyes.
We realized how lucky we are and how we have been gifted with beautiful eyes to see the beautiful world. We realized how difficult lives of blind people are ( and other handicapped) without being able to see.
We realized how uncomfortable we were for just two hours without being able to see anything and how they must be living their lives.
We realized how unfortunate we are , that we do not value such simple things in life we have and cry (sometime louder, sometime within ourselves) and run after what we don't have... for whole of our lives without having time to adore for the things we have.Be cheerful.
Adore whatever you have in life.
You may try for whatever you don't have but never feel sad about it.

Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:50 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

Advice from a CA: 
Dear All,
Wanted to highlight one very important aspect.
 In ordinary course we keep issuing and submitting our KYC documents (identity and residential proofs..such as PAN card, electricity bill etc.) to various people. 
For housing or car or other loans, bank accounts,or even for buying new sim card we submit these documents.
 At almost all these places they ask for self certification on these documents. We immediately sign those documents and hand over.
 Just imagine your self certified copies are freely available in the hands of such persons & those documents can be used by him for EVERYTHING! 
Its really serious and its been seen that in most of the terrorist activities, KYC documents are sourced from the SIM card sellers. 
Hence, please inculcate a habit of writting the purpose for which you are submitting the self certified KYC Documents so that those documents cannot be used again. 
Please share this as much as possible.

Sun Mar 22, 2015 5:58 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

A beautiful STORY...
A mechanic was removing the engine parts from a motorcycle when he saw a famous heart surgeon in his shop... He went to him & said.. "Look at this engine... I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and put them back"...So why do I get such a small salary? and u get huge sums....! The doctor smiled at the mechanic and came close to his ear and said.... "Try the same when the engine is running."
👌👏 classic!
.Continuation.Engineer. Revenge.....The Mechanic smiled back came close to doctors ear and said I can pick any dead engine and make it alive . . . . . . . But can you ???
👌👏 Not only classic but Epic 😂😂👍

Sun Mar 22, 2015 6:40 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

Mishraji Interview Ke Liye Gaye.
Naukri Already Boss Ke Saale Ko Mil Chuki Thee.
Par Formality Ke Liye Interview Jaroori Tha.
Isliye Aise Sawaal Pucche Ja Rahe The Jinka Koi Matlab Nahi Tha.
Mishraji Ki Bari Aayi.
Interviewer : Aap Nadi Ke Beech Ek Boat Par Ho, Aur Apke Paas do Cigarettes Ke Alawa Kuch Bhi Nahi Hai.Apko ek cigarette Jallana Hai. ? Kaise Jalaoge ?
Mishraji Very Serious.Sir Iske teen-char Solutions Ho Sakte Hai...
Interviewer Shocked Lekin Kahaan... Batao!!!
Mishraji Ke Out Of The World Answers: Take one cigarette and throw it in the Water. So the boat will becomeLIGHTER…… using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette
Interviewer:- Kya Bakwas Hai...
Mishraji's another deadly solution: You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
Mishraji:- Sir one more Solution….Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop…(TIP – TIP)
Interviewer:- Abey Gadhe Usse Kya hoga..

Mishraji:- Sir Aapne Wo Gaana Nahin Suna"TIP TIP barsa Pani. Pani ne aag lagayee." us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee"
Mishraji - Sir If that was not enough, i have one more solution…..Start praising one cigarette,The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"
Interviewer Impressed :- Saale ko maaro goli, naukri Mishra ji ko hee de do.
Mishra ji can sell anything...😂😂

Sun Mar 22, 2015 6:46 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

If you will take the time to read these. I promise you'll come away with an enlightened perspective. The subjects covered affect us all, on a daily basis:
They're written by Andy Rooney, a man who had the gift of saying so much with so few words.......... Enjoy.........

I've learned ...That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I've learned .... That when you're in love, it shows. 
I've learned .... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.
I've learned .... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned .... That being kind is more important than being right. 
I've learned .... That you should never say no to a gift from a child. 
I've learned .... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way. 
I've learned .... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with. 
I've learned .... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
I've learned .... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
I've learned .... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
I've learned .... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
I've learned .... That money doesn't buy class.
I've learned .... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
I've learned .... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
I've learned .... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts. 
I've learned .... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
I've learned .... That love, not time, heals all wounds.
I've learned .... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
I've learned .... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile..
I've learned .... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them. 
I've learned ... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. 
I've learned .... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
I've learned .... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.
I've learned .... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
I've learned ..... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
I've learned ..... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
I've learned .... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it. 
I've learned .... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.READ AGAIN IF YOU FEEL IT MAKES SENSE 😊

Sun Mar 22, 2015 7:21 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

कुछ लोग तो इतने गरीब होते है, कि 
उनके पास सिर्फ पैसे ही होते है..!!
Two new words hv been proposed to be included in oxford dictionary
1. Gumshuda- (n)- state of being physically lost.
2. Shadishuda (n)- state of being physically, mentally and financially lost 😜
You will go mad laughing ....
A Tata Nano breaks down on a roadside.
A man in a BMW 750Li stops to help Nano driver.
"I will tow u to d next service station, but if I drive too fast please flash ur head-lights"
They start up slowly but only a km or so down d line a sporty Porsche car speeds past at 150km/hr.
BMW driver's ego hurt, 
He totally forgets about little Nano towed behind & races after the Porsche.
Just as all 3 of them fly & tear through a speed trap,
the traffic cop radios his HeadQuarters:
"Calling all stations :: u won't just believe this what I just saw a BMW & a Porsche racing past at about 195km/hr, with a Tata-Nano right behind & madly flashing its lights to Overtake them..😅😅😆😆😁😁Good day!!

आदमी को औरत की ताकत का अंदाजा उसी वक्त लगा लेना चाहिए, 
जब वो उसे लेने के लिए पूरी बारात लेकर जाता है 
और वो शेरनी उधर से अकेली चली आती है।😅😅😅
वेसे तो मेरी कोई G.F नही है..
लेकिन जब शायरी लिखता हूँ

तो ऐसा लगता है जेसे 
5-6 छोड़कर चली गयी हो...😂😜
आजकल सबसे ज़्यादा डर किससे लगता है ?
whatsapp में नये join होने वाले member से ....
सारे OLD message, video, audio repeat करता है और साथ में बोलता है 
जल्दी forward करो , मार्केट में नया है. 
अब उसको कौन समझाए कि नया तो भाई तू है.
 हम तो यहां पर PHD कर रहे हैं। 😜😂😝😉
Call from bank to a Girl:_
Bank: hello madam you want credit card..
Girl: No thanks I have a boyfriend. 😂😜💸💰
ले दे के अपने पास फ़क़त एक नज़र तो है...
क्यू देखे ज़िन्दगी को 'किसी' की नज़र से हम..!!
मेरी हर आह को वाह मिली है यहाँ,,
कौन कहता है दर्द बिकता नहीं है..!!
सिर्फ दिल का हक़दार बनाया था तुम्हें,,
हद हो गयी तुमने तो जान भी ले ली..!!❤❤
भारत में लोग इतने टैलेंटेड होते है
के......गाड़ी हिला के बता देते हैगाड़ी में पेट्रोल कितना है
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