Tuesday, March 24, 2015

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3470

8 Messages

Digest #3470
SOME WONDERFUL DEFINITIONS (23.05.15) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
Quote, Shayaris, Jokes (23.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
A cruise ship met with an incident at sea (23.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
MUST READ!!!!  Diff. Between CA nd B.Com (23.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
सुख की खोज (23.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
WHY DO COUPLES FIGHT!! (23.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
Jokes, Quote, Shayaris (23.03.15) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com


Mon Mar 23, 2015 7:22 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com


CIGARETTE:A pinch of tobaccorolled in paperwith fire at one endand a fool at the other! 

MARRIAGE:It's an agreementwhereina man loses his bachelor degreeand a woman gains her master

LECTURE:An art of transmitting Informationfrom the notes of the lecturerto the notes of studentswithout passing through the mindsof either

CONFERENCE:The confusion of one manmultiplied by thenumber present

COMPROMISE:The art of dividinga cake in such a way thateverybody believeshe got the biggest piece

The hydraulic force by whichmasculine will power isdefeated by feminine water-power!

A place where divorce comesbefore marriage

A place where everybody talks,nobody listensand everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:A feeling when you feelyou are going to feela feelingyou have never felt before

A bookwhich people praise,but never read

SMILE:A curvethat can seta lot of things straight!

OFFICE:A placewhere you can relaxafter your strenuoushome life

YAWN:The only timewhen some married menever get to opentheir mouth

ETC:A signto make others believethat you knowmore thanyou actually do

COMMITTEE:Individualswho can donothing individuallyand sit to decidethat nothing can be donetogether

The namemen giveto theirMistakes

ATOM BOMB:An inventionto bring an endto allinventions

PHILOSOPHER:A foolwho torments himselfduring life,to be spoken ofwhen dead

DIPLOMAT:A personwho tells youto go to hellin such a waythat you actually look forwardto the trip

OPPORTUNIST:A personwho starts taking bathif heaccidentally fallsinto a river

OPTIMIST:A personwho while fallingfrom EIFFEL TOWERsays in midway"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST: A personwho says thatO is the last letterin ZERO,Instead of the first letterin OPPORTUNITY

MISER:A personwho lives poorso thathe can die RICH!

FATHER:A bankerprovided bynature

CRIMINAL:A guyno differentfrom the other,unless he gets caught

Someonewho is earlywhen you are lateand latewhen you are early

POLITICIAN:One whoshakes your handbefore electionsand your ConfidenceLater 

DOCTOR:A personwho killsyour illsby pills,and kills youby his bills..!!

Mon Mar 23, 2015 7:30 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

 हमारे महफिल में लोग बिन बुलाये आते हैl 
क्यूकी यहाँ स्वागत में ‪फूल‬ नहीं दिल‬ बिछाये जाते है..."😘😘
The boss got out of a BMW 7 series and a junior employee remarked " wow Boss, thats Great"
The boss said "If U also work hard, be Punctual, put in more hours of work in the Weekends, take fewer Holidays,achieve your targets.. 
I will be able to buy an even better car next year" 😝😝😁😁😜😝😜😛
मैं "पावर" ओर " पैसे " को नही......
 "स्वभाव" ओर "सम्बन्ध" ज्यादा जरुरी मानता हूं...!!!....😘🔝
 बच्चों के साथ बहुत समझदारी से बात करनी चाहिए।नहीं तो परिणाम घातक हो सकता हैउदाहरण -एक बच्चा नल से गिरते हुए पानी को देखकर बोला,पापा यह पानी कहां से आता है?पापा: बेटा, नदी से।बच्चा: पापा, मुझे नदी दिखाने ले चलो।उसके पापा उसे नदी दिखाने ले गए, लेकिन बच्चे ने उन्हेंनदी मे गिरा दिया। फिर बच्चा दौड़कर घर गया, औरममी से बोला, ममी, जल्दी से नल खोलो, पापा आ रहे होंगे। 😀😀
अजीब दुनिया का दस्तुर हे …
दोलत चाहे कितनी भी बेइमानी से घर आये ,
पर उसकी पहेरेदारी के लिये ईमानदार शक्स चाहिये ॥🙏🙏🙏
यह मंदिर भी क्या गज़ब की जगह है!
यहाँ गरीब बाहर भीख मांगते हैं, और अमीर अन्दर
Tantrik : Beta tum par ek chudail ka saya hai 
Boy : Baba, main thappad maar dunga jo meri Biwi ke bare me kuch kaha toh…😡😝👌😄.😄😄😄😄😝😝😝😛
दोस्ती की नन्ही सी परिभाषा :--
मैं शब्द हूँ तुम अर्थ
तुम बिन मैं व्यर्थ।
दिमाग में विचारों का जितना कम ट्रैफिक होगा, 
जिंदगी का सफर उतना ही आसान होगा।'😊👍
 👉 सिखाते है हम बेटियों कोक्योंकि कल उन्हें जाना है पराये घर 
क्यों नहीं सिखाते बेटों को कैसे अपनाना है किसी परायी को अपने घर !!

Mon Mar 23, 2015 7:33 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

A cruise ship met with an incident at sea, on the ship was a pair of couple, after having made their way to the lifeboat, they realized that there was only space for one person left. 
At this moment, the man pushed the woman behind him and jumped onto the lifeboat himself.
The lady stood on the sinking ship and shouted one sentence to her husband.
The teacher stopped and asked, "What do you think she shouted?"
Most of the students excitedly answered, "I hate you! I was blind!"
Now, the teacher noticed a boy who was silent throughout, she got him to answer and he replied, "Teacher, I believe she would have shouted - Take care of our child!"
The teacher was surprised, asking "Have you heard this story before?"
The boy shook his head, "Nope, but that was what my mum told my dad before she died to disease".
The teacher lamented, "The answer is right".
The cruise sunk, the man went home and brought up their daughter single-handedly.
Many years later after the death of the man, their daughter found his diary while tidying his belongings.
It turns out that when parents went onto the cruise ship, the mother was already diagnosed with a terminal illness. At the critical moment, the father rushed to the only chance of survival. 
He wrote in his diary, "How I wished to sink to the bottom of the ocean with you, but for the sake of our daughter, I can only let you lie forever below the sea alone".
The story is finished, the class was silent. 
The teacher knows that the student has understood the moral of the story, that of the good and the evil in the world, there are many complications behind them which are hard to understand. 
Which is why we should never only focus on the surface and judge others without understanding them first.
Those who like to pay the bill, does so not because they are loaded but because they value friendship above money.
Those who take the initiative at work, does so not because they are stupid but because they understand the concept of responsibility.
Those who apologizes first after a fight, does so not because they are wrong but because they value the people around them.
Those who are willing to help you, does so not because they owe you any thing but because they see you as a true friend.....

Mon Mar 23, 2015 7:38 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Diff. Between CA nd B.Com
B.Com:Question: How many balls are there in an over?
Answer: 6
Full Marks

If this were a CA exam question 
The answer would be WRONG and the examiner's comment in the suggested answers would be
"Most of the students answered the questions. However, students have not understood the questions correctly. Answer points to a lack of in-depth understanding and conceptual clarity on the subject. Correct answer is 1 ball which is delivered 6 times, if the umpire(as defined under bye law 19 of Rule 2) did not declare any no ball in all those deliveries. 
In case the umpire, as defined above, declares a No Ball as defined in the Byelaws 24 Rule 3 of the Laws of Cricket (Lords), then there will be an additional ball delivered, using the same ball, for every no ball declared by the umpire. 
Note that such additional balls will not be counted towards the number of balls".
Similarly for a wide ball under Byelaw 25 Rule 3 of the Laws of Cricket (Lords) an additional ball will be delivered for every wide ball declared by the umpire. 
Thus keeping in view the Rules 19, 24 25 of the Laws of Cricket(Lords) the answer is 1 ball. 
However, if the ball used for the said deliveries suffers or undergoes such transformation or such other changes which, the umpire, on an appeal being made by the bowler, deems unfit for use, the ball may be changed/replaced with another one. Only in such a case, will there be use of multiple balls in an over.
(The student may assume that the batsmen did not hit a sixer, thereby forcing the ball to go out of the park causing another ball to be used)''

Mon Mar 23, 2015 7:42 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

सुख की खोज----------------ऐ सुख तू कहाँ मिलता हैक्या तेरा कोई स्थायी पता है
क्यों बन बैठा है अन्जानाआखिर क्या है तेरा ठिकाना।
कहाँ कहाँ ढूंढा तुझकोपर तू न कहीं मिला मुझको
ढूंढा ऊँचे मकानों मेंबड़ी बड़ी दुकानों में
स्वादिस्ट पकवानों मेंचोटी के धनवानों में
वो भी तुझको ढूंढ रहे थेबल्कि मुझको ही पूछ रहे थे
क्या आपको कुछ पता हैये सुख आखिर कहाँ रहता है?
मेरे पास तो दुःख का पता थाजो सुबह शाम अक्सर मिलता था
परेशान होके रपट लिखवाईपर ये कोशिश भी काम न आई
उम्र अब ढलान पे हैहौसले थकान पे है
हाँ उसकी तस्वीर है मेरे पासअब भी बची हुई है आस
मैं भी हार नही मानूंगासुख के रहस्य को जानूंगा
बचपन में मिला करता थामेरे साथ रहा करता था
पर जबसे मैं बड़ा हो गयामेरा सुख मुझसे जुदा हो गया।
मैं फिर भी नही हुआ हताशजारी रखी उसकी तलाश
एक दिन जब आवाज ये आईक्या मुझको ढूंढ रहा है भाई
मैं तेरे अन्दर छुपा हुआ हूँतेरे ही घर में बसा हुआ हूँ
मेरा नही है कुछ भी मोलसिक्कों में मुझको न तोल
मैं बच्चों की मुस्कानों में हूँहारमोनियम की तानों में हूँ
पत्नी के साथ चाय पीने मेंपरिवार के संग जीने में
माँ बाप के आशीर्वाद मेंरसोई घर के महाप्रसाद में
बच्चों की सफलता में हूँमाँ की निश्छल ममता में हूँ
हर पल तेरे संग रहता हूँऔर अक्सर तुझसे कहता हूँ
मैं तो हूँ बस एक अहसासबंद कर दे मेरी तलाश
जो मिला उसी में कर संतोषआज को जी ले कल की न सोच
कल के लिए आज को न खोना
मेरे लिए कभी दुखी न होना।मेरे लिए कभी दुखी न होन

Mon Mar 23, 2015 7:47 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?'I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started....*************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'I bought her a weighing scale.And then the fight started....***************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.So, I took her to a petrol pumpAnd then the fight started....***************************
My wife is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.'I replied, 'Your eyesight's perfect.'And then the fight started....***************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I've not been in a long time."So I took her to the kitchen.And then the fight started....***************************
Dedicated to all married couples.. But don't send to allI sent to my friend. He sent to his wife and then the fight started

Mon Mar 23, 2015 7:52 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

एक सेब गिरा और न्यूटन ने ग्रेविटी की खोज कर ली..
..यहाँ इंसान हररोज गिरता जा रहा है..
..और कोई मानवता नहीं खोज पा रहा है.. 😯😕😐😟🙇🙇🙇
हमारे कत्ल के लीऎ तो मीठी जुबांन ही काफी है.
अजिब शक्स थे वो जो खंजर तलाश रहे थे.
जिंदगी से आज तक मैंने कुछ उधार नही लिया,
कफन भी लूँगा तो ''जिंदगी'' देकर... 
 At medical store: "Arrey bhaiyya bade dino baad aaye?"
"*beep* toh kya roz roz bimaar padu ab? " 😡
तू याद रख, या ना रख... 
तू याद है, ये याद रख....!!
 नही थे पैसे एक दिन पीने के लिए तो यूं किया ,.,
डूबोई उनकी तस्वीर पानी में, और घूंट घूंट पी लिया,.,!!!
 रिश्ते का नाम जरूरी नहीं होता मेरे दोस्त,
कुछ बेनाम रिश्ते रुकी जिंदगी को साँस देते है...🌹
कौन कहता है कि दूरियां किलोमीटरों में नापी जाती हैं।
खुद से मिलने में भी उम्र गुज़र जाती है।
सारा जहां मिलता है...!! बस वो नहीं मिलता....!!.जिसमे जहां मिलता है...!!
एक आदमी हाथ में I phone 6 लेकर रास्ते से चल रहा था.. 
की पैर फिसल कर वो गिर पडा.. 
तभी कुछ खटाक से टूटने की आवाज़ आई जैसे कुछ तडक गया हो.. !!
दिल थाम कर आदमी बोला.. 
"भगवान् करे हड्डी हो.. " 😝😜😜😂😂

Mon Mar 23, 2015 8:02 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

10 One liners about India that are completely true
1. If u want to know how divided we r, just look at matrimonial page of our newspapers
2. India is running the software of tomorrowon the hardware of yesterday
3. Marriages(rest of the world): x+y
Marriages(in India):
 ∫xdx + ∫ydy
4. If the mobile gets spoiled blame the child, if child gets spoiled blame the mobile
5. If someone asks for dirty cloth to clean something u r in India
6. The only country where people fight to be termed 'backward'
7. In India, u don't cast ur vote, u vote ur caste
8. An incredible country where actors r playing cricket, cricketers r playing politics, politicians r watching porn and porn stars r becoming actors
9. Sarcasm is like electricity, half of India doesn't get it
10. And the ultimate one:
Where liking a Facebook post and sending messages on WhatsApp gets u arrested, while raping does not!!

To subscribe send email to hindi_jokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To unsbscribe send email to hindi_jokes-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com

hindi_jokes@yahoogroups.com email here to post your sms,jokes and pictures.

www.facebook.com/ganeshkumble21 Join with us on face book

You are interested to moderate hindi jokes group?
Mail me at ganeshkumble2014@gmail.com

No comments: