Monday, July 28, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3425

1 Message

Digest #3425
1a
Re: Story-GLASS OF MILK (20.07.14) by "aliasgher Haveliwala" aliasgherhaveliwala@ymail.com

Message

Sun Jul 27, 2014 2:47 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"aliasgher Haveliwala" aliasgherhaveliwala@ymail.com

super msg i like it from bottom of my heart
 

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Sunday, July 27, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3424

7 Messages

Digest #3424
1
Jokes, Shayaris (27.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
3a
Re: Lines by Gulzar----(16.07.14) by "Mark Khan" markhan786
4a
Re: Quote, Jokes, Shayaris (18.0714) by "Vallimohammed Lakhani" vallilakhani
5a
Joke by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:52 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

This is killer... 
'With Modi govt, even Ishant Sharma performs' 

======
Put your wife in a room & lock it.Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, 
and who will BITE you !
(Group members are advised not to try this at home 
as these stunts were performed by professionals; 
who are now!divorced; and living happily with their dog)
Don't laugh loud ---- 

The extended version says...

Put your husband in a room & lock it.Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!

Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & you will be happy to see your dog waiting for you.. but you be angry looking at your husband sleeping like he never slept before

======

इतना भी गुमान न कर अपनी जीत पर "ए बेखबर"

शहर में तेरी जीत से ज़्यादा चर्चे तो मेरी हार के है.

======

 दुनिया में बहुत से लोग आईना देख कर डर जाते,

अगर आईने में चेहरा नहीं चरित्र दिखाई देता.

======

Teacher asked her young students to get their parents
 to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff.
But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. 
"Janie, do you have a story to share ?'
''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story aboutmy Mom.

She was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq 
and her plane got hit. 

She had to bail out over enemy territory
 and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife. 
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break 
and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,  killed four more with  the knife, 
till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 
'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk......!!!!"
======

Ab Mai News mein aata hoon; 
Gharo mein nahi. 

~ Tamatar. 

======
"मेरे दोस्त बरबाद होगे तो सिर्फतिन पत्ती और कैंडी क्रश की वजह से....
वरना शराब की क्या ओकात जो बरबाद कर दे..!!"

======

Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:54 am (PDT) . Posted by:

Good joke
Well done keep it up
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

-----Original Message-----
From: "Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]" <Hindi_Jokes-noreply@yahoogroups.com>
Sender: Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sun, 13 Jul 2014 08:27:37
To: <Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.com>
Reply-To: Mahesh Popat <mahesh_popat@ymail.com>
Subject: [Hindi Jokes] Shyaris, Jokes, Quote (13.07.14)





CHAK DE


======


कितनी अलग हैं उनकी फितरत में अंदाज़ ऐ मोहब्बत।


रोज़ एक ज़ख्म देकर कहते हैं अपना ख्याल रखना।।


======


गिरा दे जितना पानी है तेरी आगोश में...ऐ बादल...


ये प्यास किसी के मिलने से ही बुझेगी....तेरे बरसने से नहीं....


======


Superb


Beautifull lines by sweet daughter....
Sham ho gaighumne chalo na papa ....!!
Chalte chalte thak gaikandhe pe bitha lo na papa ....!!
Andhere se dar lagta haiSeene se laga lo na papa ....!!
Mummy toh so gaiAap hi thapki dekar sula do na papa ....!!
School toh puri huiCollege jaane do na papa ....!!
College mei chhoti si galti ho gaimaaf kar do na papa ....!!
Chhoti si bhul ki itni badi sazajab doli mein bitha hi diya toaansu to mat bahao napapa ....!!
Aapki muskurahat acchi haiek bar muskurao na papa ....!!
Aapne meri har baat maaniek bat aur maan bhi jao na papa ....!!
Iss dharti pe bojh nahi hu maiDuniya ko smjhao na papa ....


======


पूजा की थाली बनानी हो अगर 


भूखे की थाली में रोटी डाल दो महेश दुबे


======


तेरे संग भीँगू मैँ मोहब्बत की बरसात मेँ.........


खुदा करे उसके बाद तुजे इश्क का बुखार हो जाए ...🎭


======


I think RBI should declare "Eclairs" as the new one Rupee and 
"Chloromint&quot; as the new 50 Paisa.


Saala har dukandaar chhutte ki jagah yahi deta hai...!!


======


Ye JOKE Padhoge To Haste-Haste Gir Jaoge..:-)...............Isliye bheja hi nahi..
Gir gaye to..?
I care for you !!
======


अब कहा जरुरत है हाथों मे पत्थर उठाने की,
तोडने वाले तो जुबान से ही दिल तोड देते हैं.....


======

Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:56 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mark Khan" markhan786

thanks for the beautiful emails.
regret i cannot read hindi script
Yes URDU text i can read.
thanks again for the lovely stuff yu send out.
much appreciated

On Wednesday, July 16, 2014 10:26 AM, "Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]" <Hindi_Jokes-noreply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:


 

CHAK DE

Lines by Gulzar----

जब मैं छोटा था,
शायद दुनिया बहुत बड़ी हुआ करती थी..

मुझे याद है
मेरे घर से "स्कूल" तक का वो रास्ता, 
क्या क्या नहीं था वहां,

चाट के ठेले,  जलेबी की दुकान, बर्फ के गोले
सब कुछ,

अब वहां  "मोबाइल शॉप", "विडियो पार्लर" हैं,

फिर भी सब सूना है..

शायद अब दुनिया सिमट रही है...
.
.
.

जब मैं छोटा था,
शायद शामें बहुत लम्बी हुआ करती थीं...

मैं हाथ में पतंग की डोर पकड़े,
घंटों उड़ा करता था,

वो लम्बी "साइकिल रेस",
वो बचपन के खेल,

वो हर शाम थक के चूर हो जाना,

अब शाम नहीं होती,
दिन ढलता है

और सीधे रात हो जाती है.

शायद वक्त सिमट रहा है..

जब मैं छोटा था,
शायद दोस्ती बहुत गहरी हुआ करती थी,

दिन भर वो हुजूम बनाकर खेलना,

वो दोस्तों के घर का खाना,

वो लड़कियों की बातें,

वो साथ रोना...

अब भी मेरे कई दोस्त हैं,
पर दोस्ती  जाने कहाँ है,

जब भी  "traffic signal" पर मिलते हैं
"Hi" हो जाती है,

और अपने अपने रास्ते चल देते हैं,

होली, दीवाली, जन्मदिन,
नए साल पर
बस SMS आ जाते हैं,

शायद अब रिश्ते बदल रहें हैं..
.ं
जब मैं छोटा था, 
तब खेल भी अजीब हुआ करते थे,

छुपन छुपाई, लंगडी टांग,  पोषम पा, टिप्पी टीपी टाप.
अब
internet, office,  से फुर्सत ही नहीं मिलती..

शायद ज़िन्दगी बदल रही है.
.
.
जिंदगी का सबसे बड़ा सच यही है.. 
जो अकसर क़ब्रिस्तान के बाहर बोर्ड पर लिखा होता है...

"मंजिल तो यही थी, 
बस जिंदगी गुज़र गयी मेरी यहाँ आते आते"
.
ज़िंदगी का लम्हा बहुत छोटा सा है...

कल की कोई बुनियाद नहीं है
और आने वाला कल  सिर्फ सपने में ही है.. 

अब बच गए इस पल में..

तमन्नाओं से भर इस जिंदगी में
हम सिर्फ भाग रहे हैं.

कुछ रफ़्तार धीमी करो, 
मेरे दोस्त,

और
इस ज़िंदगी को जियो..
खूब जियो मेरे दोस्त..... 

Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:57 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Vallimohammed Lakhani" vallilakhani

really your shayari is wonderful thanks

On Friday, July 18, 2014 9:31 AM, "Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]" <Hindi_Jokes-noreply@yahoogroups.com> wrote:


 

CHAK DE

======

Upwaas karke agar Bhagwaan khush hote... 

Toh duniya mein sabse jyaada khush Bhikari hote

======

Chintu failed in the final Law Exam & decided to make a deal with the Professor.

Chintu: Sir, Can I ask you one question?

Professor: Yes.

Chintu: If you can answer this question, I will accept my final marks, if you cant, you will have to give me an "A" grading.

Professor agreed.
.
.
.

Chintu asked: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?"

Prof thought about it for hrs & pondered but couldnt think of an answer.

He had to finally give up as he really didnot know the answer.

He gave this boy an "A" grading as promised.

The following day, Professor asked same question to his students.

He was shocked when all of them raised their hands.

He asked one student.

He answered:

Sir, you are 65, married to a 28 yrs old woman, this is legal but not logical.

Your wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal.

Your wife's boyfriend has failed in his exam & yet you have given him an "A", this is neither logical nor legal. 

.
.
Professor behosh.....
l am laughing since past 5 minutes, can't resist from sharing it

======

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. 

He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." 

The mother agrees and the next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. 

He then says, "Ok, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "the one in the middle." 

He was surprised that his mother was so easily able to guess the correct woman, 
"How do you know?!" 

The mother replies, "I don't like she!"

======

खामोशियाँ कर दे बयां तो बात अलग है .....!!

कुछ दर्द है जो लफ्जो में उतारे नहीं जाते ..... !!

======

माना की खुद चलके आयें हैं तेरी देहलीज़ पे...

इश्क

सीतम...... सीतम..... और सीतम

ये कहाँ की मेहमान नवाजी है..??

======

शराब और इश्क़ कि फितरत एक सी है , 

दोनों में वोही नशा , वोही दिलकशी ; 

एक दिन तौबा करो उनसे , 

दुसरे दिन फिर वोही दीवानगी ,

फिर वोही खुदखुशी

======

भूल सकते हो तो भूल जाओ , 
इजाज़त है तुम्हे, 

न भूल पाओ तो लौट आना , 
एक और भूल कि इजाज़त है तुम्हे…

======

टूटे हुए सपनो और छुटे हुए अपनों ने मार दिया...

वरना ख़ुशी खुद हमसे मुस्कुराना सिखने आया करती थी..........

======

हुए बदनाम मगर फिर भी न सुधर पाए हम

फिर वही शायरी फिर वही इश्क फिर वही तुम

======

Sun Jul 27, 2014 12:59 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their Family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. 'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as hesurveyed the worried faces.

'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain Transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the Brain yourselves.&#39;

The family members sat silently as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, 'Well, how much does a brain cost?' The doctor quickly responded, 'Rs. 50,000 for a male brain, and Rs. 200 for a Female brain.'

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to Control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more?'
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire Group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the Price of the female brains, because they've actually been used, the male brains are hardly ever used by the owners. So they are as good as new'

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!!!!!!!!!!

Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:09 am (PDT) . Posted by:

shree_shreeshyam

Write a messa Hindi Jokes] Shyaris, Jokes, Qoutege...

Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:18 am (PDT) . Posted by:

rezwanad

Good one.



Kind regards
rezwan azad chowdhury
Sent from my BlackBerry 10 smartphone.
From: Mahesh Popat mahesh_popat@ymail.com [Hindi_Jokes]Sent:
Sunday, 20 July 2014 12:55 PMTo: Hindi_Jokes@yahoogroups.comReply
To: Mahesh PopatSubject: [Hindi Jokes] Story-GLASS OF MILK
(20.07.14)



CHAK DE
GLASS OF MILK
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to
pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left,
and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he
lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.
Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water! She thought he
looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it
so slowly, and then asked, How much do I owe you?"
You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us
never to accept pay for a kindness."
He said ... "Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger
physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had
been ready to give up and quit.
Many years later that same young woman became critically ill. The
local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big
city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.
Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he
heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled
his eyes.
Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her
room.
Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized
her at once.
He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best
to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to her
case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won.
Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to
him for approval. He looked at it, and then wrote something on
the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open
it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay
for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her
attention on the side of the bill. She read these words ...
"Paid in full with one glass of milk"
(Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank
You, God, that your love has spread broad through human hearts
and hands."
There's a saying which goes something like this: Bread cast on
the waters comes back to you. The good deed you do today may
benefit you or someone you love at the least expected time. If
you never see the deed again at least you will have made the
world a better place - And, after all, isn't that what life is
all about?
Now you have two choices.
1. You can send this page on and spread a positive message.
2. Or ignore it and pretend it never touched your heart.



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Saturday, July 26, 2014

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3423

2 Messages

Digest #3423
1
Quote, Shayaris, Jokes (25.07.14) by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com
2
Story - Indian Air Force Pilot by "Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com

Messages

Fri Jul 25, 2014 6:43 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

======

People Who Judge Everyone Else,

Need to Put Down the Magnifying Glass

& Pick up a Mirror.

======

आसमान जो इतना बुलंदी पर इतराता है ....!

भूल जाता है ...ज़मीन से ही नज़र आता है...!!

======

HR in office : Okay guys, this is a new HR practice - Today we are going to play a game.

When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the court.

And when I say a any color, you run to the left side of the court. 

One who is wrong will not get the increment...

got it ?
Employees : Yes, Got it.
HR : Okay...Ready, Set...
..ORANGE !

Employees : Wat d hell?

hahahahaha

======

बन्दा खुद की नज़र में सही होना चाहिए, 

दुनिया तो साली भगवान से भी दुखी है "

======

Nice one..it's different from all husband wife jokes....
अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे !!!.
भले झगडे, गुस्सा करे, एक दुसरे पर टुट पड़ेएक दुसरे पर दादागिरि करने के लिये, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
जो कह्ना हे  वह कह ले, जो करना हे वह कर लेएक दुसरे के चश्मे और लकड़ी ढुंढने में, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
मे रूठु  तो तुम मना लेना, तुम रूढ़ो ताे  मै मना  लुगाएक दुसरे को लाड़  लड़ानेके लिये, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
आँखे जब धुँधली होंगी, याददाश्त जब कमजोर होंगीतब एक दूसरे को एक दूसरे मे ठूँढने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
घुटने जब दुखने लगेंगे, कमर भी झुकना  बंद करेगीतब एक दूसरे के पांव के नाखून काटने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
"मेरी हेल्थ  रिपोर्ट  एक दम नोर्मल है, आइ एम आलराईट ऐसा कह कर ऐक दूसरे को बहकाने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे
साथ जब छुट जायेगा, बीदाई की घड़ी  जब आजायेगीतब एक दूसरे को माफ करने के लिए, अन्त में हम दोनों ही होंगे.

======

हजार के नोटो से तो बस जरूरत पुरी होती हैं..

मजा तो माँ से

मांगे एक रूपये के सिक्के मे था....

======

हम दोस्ती करते है तो अफसाने लिखे जाते है,

और दुश्मनी करते है तो तारीखे लिखी जाती है ,,,

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Which State in India has highest English speaking population?
Answer : Before 8 pm. -- Kerala After 8 pm ---- Maharashtra 
For communication skills,U don't need any classes.... Only glasses. 

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Love affairs are like the game of Cricket;

Where One-Day Internationals are more popular than a 5 day Test

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Fri Jul 25, 2014 7:03 am (PDT) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat" mahesh_popat@ymail.com



CHAK DE

On Sunday evening 13th July 2014, the Air India's flight AI-144, a B-777, was ready for a routine flight from Newark to Mumbai with 300 passengers and 15 crew. The weather in New Jersey was heavy passing showers here and there. 

It was a routine departure at about 5 pm (local time) for a long 15-16 hrs flight to Bombay nee Mumbai. The aircraft naturally was at its maximum take off weight, as it was fully loaded with the fuel required for this long transcontinental flight.

The take off run was a normal routine one. Immediately on lift off the worst nightmare of a pilot, the loss of an engine at maximum take off weight, happened. The left engine caught fire, and at the same time the cockpit engine fire warnings did not function. The passengers and crew sitting on the left side were horrified to see flames from the left engine. Other airplanes and Air Traffic Control warned the Pilot of the engine being on fire. The Pilots till that time unaware of the engine fire, checked up and carried out the emergency drills as per the required procedures. The B-777 is a 2 engine aircraft, and loosing one engine (50% power) at the maximum a/c weight on take off is a nightmare for the best of Pilots and in the best of circumstances. 

In such an emergency, the Pilots will first think of making the aircraft light, which is done by dumping the extra fuel. For this Pilots need to climb up to a designated minimum height and dump the fuel in areas already specified by the local airport authorities. The time to reach the dumping height and area could have taken 15 to 30 minutes, because of heavy weight and loss of an engine. The actual fuel dump can take another 30 to 40 minutes, depending on the amount of fuel to be dumped out. The exercise of dumping fuel to lighten the aircraft would have taken any thing around 60 to 70 minutes, a valuable time they did not have. 

The Pilots had a serious emergency of an engine having been on fire at hand. This could have caused, secondary as yet unknown failures. They had to take an instant decision, which they rightfully took to land as soon as possible, rather than use up precious time to try and dump fuel.

The immediate landing back, of course had its own problems. The very high landing weight. This in turn will need the aircraft to be landed at a much higher speed. The immediate anxiety of the Pilots in this case would have been three fold. Firstly, will the airplane stop in the available runway length, landing at about 200 Knots (which is 370 kms/hr), the minimum speed required at the weight. Secondly, will the landing gear take the load of landing at such a high speed and weight (85 tonnes more than the maximum design landing weight). Thirdly, they were flying only on one engine, which has its own problems of aircraft handling and control.

The Pilots averted a major emergency into becoming a possible catastrophe by landing the aircraft successfully back. The handling skills and good cool airmanship displayed by the Pilots was the primary reason of this emergency being converted into just an incident, which the Indian media thought was of no consequence of being reported or being commented upon. The visual media (all channels of TV) was only concerned on a non issue of why one 'Ved Pratap Vaidik' met a certain ' Hafiz Saeed' on a visit to Pakistan. The print media was merely interested in printing and commenting some dubious statistics where the ATC Controllers and Pilots have erred. Regrettably the media just shut their eyes to this incidence as it made no juicy news for them. They were not interested in how a major catastrophe was averted and lives of 315 persons were saved by the good professional handling and competent decisions of AIR INDIA PILOTS.

My congratulations to Capt Gautam Verma and his crew (2nd Commander Capt Niranjan Singh & First Officers Capt Pankaj Wadhawan & Capt Shilpika Das) for displaying airmanship and professional competence of the highest order in handling a most difficult situation competently and successfully.
It is disappointing that the PRO of Air India has also failed in bringing the true facts of the incidence to the notice of the visual and print media and getting the competence and proficiency of their employees due national recognition. It should also be a matter of great national concern that the Indian media had nothing to say about the competent handling of this grave in flight situation and preventing it becoming a catastrophe.

The writer is a retired Air India & Indian Air Force Pilot with over 40 years of flight experience.

Friends do share this with others, as the National media has failed to recognize and give due credit to our Indian Pilots, who have done a great and creditable job and not let a grave emergency develop into disaster.
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