Sunday, February 22, 2015

[Hindi Jokes] Digest Number 3463

4 Messages

Digest #3463
JOKES (21.02.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Shayaris, Jokes (21.02.15) by "Mahesh Popat"
Joke...Couldn't resist sharing---- New HR Policy, by "Mahesh Popat"
Shayaris (21.02.15) by "Mahesh Popat"


Sat Feb 21, 2015 6:29 am (PST) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

There are only 12 sun signs and 7 billion people. 
Each sign controlling approx 60 crore people. 
So if your horoscope says u r screwed... 
Then be happy you are not alone.. 
Mumbai is soon turning into the denguecapital of India. Its a war out there ! Few steps to prevent mosquito bites :
- Burn camphor in the room..The camphor does nothing to the mosquitoes but burns your eyes so much that you are wide awake and alert thruthe night to kill them with your bare hands.

- Grow a papaya tree in your backyard.The mosquitoes will realize you already know the cure for dengue so they will leave you alone.

- If you are married - Keep a self attested copy of your marriage certificate on your bedside table.The mosquitoes will realize what torture you are already going thru and will leave you alone......
It was five in the evening, the bank was almost closed. All of a sudden, the Branch Manager received a phone call from a lady. 
In a sweet voice she said - sir I urgently need Rs.10000. I'll reach your bank in 10 minutes. Could you please wait for me?

Her voice was so captivating that the Branch Manager could not say no. 
He instructed his cashier to keep the cash ready. The cashier obeyed his boss with great reluctance . 
After a while, a dark complexioned lady with ugliest of face and a huge tummy came to the bank, presented a cheque and asked for the money. 
The BM was taken aback, as he was expecting a cute lady. 
He immediately told the lady that they had already closed the cashfor the day and she should come next day. 
The cashier was so furious and he asked the BM if his intention was to not to pay why he was made to sit late. 
BM - Its the Universal rule of the banking that.............If words and figure don't match, payment will be declined. 😜😜😜
"पापा मैने आपसे झूठ बोला था,मै औफिस मे ओवरटाइम नही ,दोस्तो के साथ दारू पी रहा हुं. पापा -अब क्यों बताया? आपसे झूठ बोला था तो चढ नही रही थी"...👊👊👊😆😆😝😜😜😃😃😃😃😛😛😛😂😂😂


Sat Feb 21, 2015 7:39 am (PST) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

बोलने से पहले लफ्ज़ आदमी के गुलाम होते हैं.
बोलने के बाद इंसान, अपने लफ़्ज़ों का गुलाम बन जाता हैँ.
एक टकला बिना कॉलर की टीशर्ट में बीवी से पूछता है- 
"कैसा लग रहा हू",
बीवी- "ऐसे लग रहे हो जैसे फटे मौजे में से अंगूठा बाहर आया हुआ है...
हम गए थे उनको मनाने के लिए
वो खफा लगे तो हमने खफा हि रहने दिया.....
अर्थात - कविता की इस पन्क्ति में कवि अपनी प्रेमिका से कह रहा है - " Bhaad me Ja"....!!!!😜😝😛
 वैसे औरत की दिलेरी का अन्दाजा आदमी को शादी के उसी वक्त लगा लेना चाहिये,
जब बन्दा उसे लेने सौ आदमियोँ की बारात लेकर जाता है... और ...
वो 'शेरनी' उधर से अकेली चली आती है...!!
Height of WhatsApping:
You know why teachers mark only one tick on our
answers in the answer sheet ... ???
Because they never read it ... !!! 😅😂✌
love story---Dog and mosquito were in 💞 love... mosquito 💋 kissed d dog, 
dog became emotional gave a love bite,
mosq died of rabies, dog died of dengu
MORAL-intercast love is dangerous😜
उस ने एक दिन अजीब सवाल कर ङाला..
मरते तो मुझ पर हो जीते किसके लिए हो...
कहा से लाये ..अपनी ..बेगुनाही के पक्के सबूत ...
दिल ..दिमाग़ ..नज़र ..
सब कुछ तो तेरी क़ैद मै है..
Teacher :- Desh me sabse imaandar police wale kaha paye jate hai? 

Pappu :- Savdhan india aur crime patrol me.. 👮🚔🚨😂😂😝
 खेल ताश का हो या ज़िन्दगी का,
अपना इक्का तभी दिखाना जब सामने वाला बादशाह निकाले..

Sat Feb 21, 2015 7:44 am (PST) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

Couldn't resist sharing😂😂New HR Policy,

Dress Code:1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. 
Sick Leave:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. 
Casual leave:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy. 
Lunch Break: 
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. * Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. * Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. 
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
The HR 😈

Sat Feb 21, 2015 7:45 am (PST) . Posted by:

"Mahesh Popat"

हाल तो पुंछ लू तेरा, पर डरता हूँ आवाज़ से तेरी..
ज़ब ज़ब सुनी हें....
 कमबख्त मोहब्बत ही हुई हें..
क्या करूँगा मै तेरे शीशमहल में आ कर..
जितने तेरे आईने हैं, उतने मेरे चेहरे नहीं..
जब वो नाराज होती थी,
तब मुझे दुनिया की सबसे महेंगी चीज उसकी "मुस्कान" लगती थी...
दिल से लिखता हूँ शायद इसीलिए कम बिकता हूँ
कुछ देने के लिए..
दिल❤ बडा होना चाहिए.
...हैसियत नहीं.
दिखावे की मोहब्बत से बेहतर है दिल से नफरत किजिये हमसे...
हम सच्चे जज्बातो की बडी कदर करते है
आज उसने हमें एक और दर्द दिया तो याद आया
की दुआओं में हमने ही तो उसके सारे दर्द माँगे थे...
ए शराब 🍺 .. मुझे तुमसे मोहब्बत नही । 
मुझे तो उनपलों से मोहब्बत है,जो तुम्हारे कारण मै दोस्तौ के साथ बिताता हूँ...🍻🍻
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